Dear E,

7 years ago I was happy, had nothing, just the hope you gave me when you said your friends could help me to get a job in your city. I still remember that night. I went to visit my friends,I left after 1 hour, took the usual 1 hour drive to reach your flat,I was having a big smile on my face, after a long time. I parked my car, put my luggage in the living room,I went out for a beer in the usual club, met a guy I know, he was with his friend and a couple of girls, he introduced me the girls,I explained them that my gf was coming back the morning after and I was really happy to see her. I really couldn’t wait, the year before was the most difficult of all my life for many reasons,I was happy we left it behind, and I was more than happy to be in your city with you. I still remember the dinner we had in your flat with your friends a couple of days before Christmas,I felt home, truly home a feeling I never had before or after. I was excited to see you, my mind was clear,It took me a bit to realize than there I could be much more happy than at home. My mood there was changing and improving, a lot. You know in the last 7 years even if I moved in different cities,I met new people,I learnt new things I always think how my life could be if you didn’t turnaround 180 when you came back from holidays in the morning. A thing that will always hurt is that a better communication both side and we could have a much different story to talk about. I wish I was not so blindsided from all the crap happened in my life in that moment and all the problems I had to face,I swear, but I never wanted to leave. I was sure we were goin to make it to overcome problems together,I was expecting at least an heart to heart talk when things could be saved,I wish I could have read your mind, and believe me,I was goin to change many things if I could. I wish if you ever struggle you will find someone more understanding, someone who will give one more try, and I wish you will learn that people are not Superman, and you could help too, cause you were expecting me to do all by myself in an eyeblink what took you ages to achieve with support of your family and friends. There is a part of me that will always resent you, no matter what,I didn’t had a serious relationship after you, had flings, but not anymore a person I was going to take a bullet for, not anymore a person I wish I could hold her hand when she is old, not anymore a person I wanted to be committed with. Didn’t met anyone else’s family, didn’t introduce my family to anyone else. Really after you I took the keys of my heart and throw them to the bottom of the ocean. You were right on one thing:I ll never be happy, cause I m not capable to love that way anymore.It was not butterflies, it was the wish to share life. You were even my best friend meanwhile we were together, and I was never expecting you to let me down in a moment like that believe me in twisted roles I was never goin to do the same to you. I wish you put the same effort I put in helping you when you needed in helping me when I needed, not even the same, maybe 25% of it.