Dear J

LTME-postI probably look dumb for doing this, but for my benefit I need too. I understand if you don’t wanna read this or would rather not hear from me and that’s fine. I’m not here to make you feel bad or get sympathy, I honestly just need this off my chest and mind. My goal here is to enlighten you, if you let me and so I can help myself. You probably don’t need this as much as I needed to write this, so there’s no need for a response. Since August I’ve come the longest way and I’ve changed and realized so much in such little time.I thought I hated you, but no matter how much I told myself I did, I realized one day that I didn’t. I couldn’t. You came into my life when I needed someone to Love and care for me and you went above and beyond that. I can only hope that I’ve done as much for you as you’ve done for me. I’m sorry I told you that I did hate you. I obviously didn’t mean it and I know that for sure because after everything I’ve realized that even though you hurt me I’d be willing to still be there for you. It took me a minute to come to terms with it, but what matters is that I’m being genuinely honest when I say that. I’ll always hold some sort of respect for you to an extent, just because what you pulled was wrong so it hinders me there. I would’ve appreciated honesty more than anything and things probably would’ve ended differently, but that doesn’t matter anymore. Just know that you hurt me and I can’t even begin to explain what kind of hell I was in for a month and still struggle with now, but I’m glad you didn’t go through what I did. I really do hope that you don’t do anything like that to the girl your with now cause it’s really no fun or walk in the park. It was probably one of the biggest struggles I’ve been through since my Abuelo passed. I’m not writing this to lecture I’m just speaking my mind so I can just walk away from this forever. I’ve figured everything out obviously and there’s no need for lies anymore because what hurt more than the break up itself was that you still lied and we weren’t even together anymore. It took me so long to begin coming to terms with everything because I still wanted to have hope that everything we planned would still come to be one day a few years from now, so the day that I realized that it was time to let go, a few weeks later I realized that I couldn’t hold the anger and negativity that I did in my heart anymore and so I realized that I also needed to finally let go of the wii theme song, sitting on my couch watching the minions movie, prom, promise ring, sneaking you in, just the most prominent things that I couldn’t seem to let go of like I did with other things and so to do that I need to for one write this and secondly let you know that I forgive you. I get that it may sound odd or just not what anyone would expect especially in this situation, but whether you want to accept it or not is up to you, but I’m doing this because I’m ready to completely move forward and let go of everything from December 14th to August 31st and because I genuinely do forgive you.I’m working toward my future now and all that I’m still holding onto isn’t necessary nor will it help me because we’re not apart of one another’s lives anymore. I’ve let go of everything, I swear and this is the last step for me. I just wanted to thank you for being there for me when I needed someone and although we didn’t last as long as I hoped, I hope that you achieve all of the things we once aimed for and more. I still see all of your good qualities that I did when we were together and you’ll make a good husband and father one day. I don’t hate you, I don’t think of you any less, I wish you nothing but happiness and success. Good luck with everything you do and I hope that God guides you in whatever it is that you put your mind to. Thank you, J. God Bless.

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