We haven’t spoken in a while. Mainly due to my own insecurity, immaturity, pride, and vengeful attitude.
I’d been in a rampage of hatred toward you for months. You lied to me, I held it in, and let it eat me away completely. Even out of anger, I never took my mind away from you. And I can’t stand it. It’s toxic, sickening, and extremely unhealthy.
I don’t know why you felt the need to lie. I don’t know if you ever cared, even though I was falling so terribly hard for you. I don’t know what you actually thought; if you meant anything you said. I don’t know if I’m hung up on someone who genuinely loved me and wanted a future with me, or just wanted a quasi girlfriend for a while.
There are so many unanswered questions that I’ll never get an answer to. It keeps awake. It robs my time, and it hinders me from moving on. I wish I could just forget. I wish I could have a partial lobotomy that removes the memory of you. Normally when I end things with a person, I wait until I’ve exhausted every possibility of trying. With you, it was an impulsive, erratic, and anger-ridden decision. Probably the right one. I just wish there was a proper goodbye or semblance of closure.