I want to get serious in this letter now. What my ambitions and dreams are. After applying for college for graphic design, I started to plan the life I want out. What what I want to do, how I want to do it. I know you pushed me away to find someone else, but reality is, I don’t need to find my person right now when I need to focus on me.
I fell in love with a boy. Not a man. A man carries his half over no matter what happens. Even in the most difficult time. You let me go due to college, due to struggling in college. I’ve tried to say to you, maybe community college isn’t right for you, maybe a technical college or a work study program would be in the best interest for you. That’s how I found out. I found out my intrests and put them forward. I don’t know why you think physics is the best intrest for you. You never really did explain that choice to me. But I know I feel in love with a boy…. a boy who believed letting everything go was for his best intrests. I know how badly you want to go back to NDSU to complete but… do you really want to follow the footsteps of your parents? Do you believe being shut in your room 24/7 is very healthy? Do you think in all honesty having people leave left and right of you is right?
We were raised so different. You say you don’t have friends…. you said you were a bully. You say they just slip away overtime….. in reality….. it’s because they were pushed away from you. Just like me. I thought I was gonna be different….. I guess I was sincerely wrong.
I really did fall in love with a boy. Maybe one day this boy will become a man…. but I sadly don’t see that day happening anymore.
I see my life planned out now. Now that I have this plan, it’ll be easier to move on with life…. maybe fall in love again.
After 2 years at my college here in MN…. I would move away to FL and go to a bigger graphic design/animation program there. I would relax on the beach like I always dreamed of, maybe go to Universal Or Disney. Maybe I’ll find my next love there….. maybe then I would finally be freed of this feeling, the feeling of being a woman, not a girl.
As much as my last letter meant meaningful words….. those are the words of a broken heart girl who dreamed of her Leo coming back for her.
My heart wants to be open for the next guy to come along, to be with me and not push me away. As much as I loved you at one point…. I could never see loving you again.
Yes you are the one that got away, yes you possibly be struggling or succeeding, but I know where my heart lays now. It’s not long chasing you in a fantasy.
It out where my heart wants to be.
As much as we connected and loved, as much as we saw each other for what were worth….
There never going to be a chance of us again.
Because you wanted me to leave.
So that’s what I’m doing, leaving.
Just remember if you do open your heart again to another girl….
Remember to not push her away.
Like you did to me.
Last bit of love.