Jord

LTME-postDear Jord,
Yesterday was your moms birthday and I wrote out a text to you so you could wish her a happy birthday for me but I never sent it. I stared at it all day. I had to type your number by heart because I don’t have it saved. I can’t believe I was so scared to send it because I knew you would just not answer. In that moment I realized, how did we get to this point? I actually love you and I honestly didn’t know how much I really did until now. I hate myself for how everything went down, I really wish I knew how you were feeling. I know your new girlfriend is in your life now and you seem happy. It makes me happy to see you happy but your relationship also makes me want to barf. I have no shame in saying that. Mine probably makes you sick even though you wouldn’t admit that in a million years but whatever I see it. I also see the way you glare at my boyfriend, its the same look your girlfriend gives me. Is she threatened by me? Does she know that your relationship isn’t going to last? Do you know your relationship isn’t going to last.
I started thinking about our break up and how I was begging to get back together and you were talking to her the whole time. Again, BARF. Could you have picked someone that doesn’t look like me??? and why do you have to broadcast it so hard that you’re together. WE KNOW. Is it because you wanna marry me? at least thats’s what you told your mom.
Among all the sadness and anger, I do have a sense of relief. I spent so much of my time worrying about what you were doing because you had no limits or self control. I actually hate you and your stupid girlfriend that looks like me. I miss you but thanks for making me realize my self worth.

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