I have spent the last couple of days going over your texts and I now that I am calm and rational, I feel I must respond with a clear mind.
I’ll admit it, I was devastated. I cried all night and all day… but then something happened.
Something clicked inside of me.
I got up out of bed, I went to yoga, I did some painting, I went shopping, I had a few drinks with friends, I had a one night stand… and I woke up rejuvenated… knowing that you don’t deserve me.
You don’t deserve one single part of me.
I’m a good person and I’ve got my shit together. I just had to get my confidence back.
I suddenly realized how pathetic I was to be crying over someone who simply doesn’t care. Someone who isn’t capable of caring. Someone who made me feel worthless. I let that control me.
You tossed me aside again after a reaction to asking YOU for dinner.
I spent the entire day with you – at your request. I saved YOUR ass on the side of the road, helped YOU out, and paid for breakfast AND lunch.
Then I asked if I could make YOU dinner, welcoming YOU in to my home again… albeit after all the anguish and heartache you put me though… not to mention the physical and emotional abuse.
Everything you say and do is cloaked with lies. I don’t think you’re getting it together at all. In fact, if I gave you another 3 or 4 months, I think you’ll be in the exact same place you are right now. Lost.
You’re nothing but a weak man who’s getting older everyday and you have nothing to show for your life… just another broken, dirty, coke snorting, alcoholic liar.
I was doing really well… I was dating and I was starting to laugh again,.. then suddenly I got catapulted back – all because you are a selfish, immature, drunk driving 51 year old failure… and I have a kind heart and a giving nature.
My fault is that I choose to see the magic in people… as opposed to seeing them for who they really are. You just kept showing me the real you and I only saw the potential. I am stronger now that I have first hand experience with how much people like you suck the life out of people like me.
You don’t need to hide or avoid me anymore because I will never speak to you again.
I hope that one day you fall to your knees and weep because of all the bad decisions you made in your life.
You did teach me one thing though – never hold on to someone who isn’t holding on to me. As for me, I now know better. As for you, you have now lost someone who actually cared… and doesn’t anymore.
Not at all.
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