Dear Mal,
I began to miss you a bit when I started seeing bits and pieces of your life on Snapchat after months of not talking to you. And as I thought of you I knew this distance was best, but I knew that I just wanted to say thank you.

Thank you, because the day you didn’t have the balls to talk to me first or break up with me face to face, was the day I lost myself and started my journey to truly finding myself.

I’ve said this in the past, but I truly felt like you were the love of my life. We had so many ups and downs and ons and offs, but we always came back together. I told you everything about me, and I felt like I truly knew who you were. And in the end I did know who you were, but I foolishly ignored the maladaptive, cold and ugly parts of you because I loved the good too much to let go.

After letting you back into my life in such a deep way, you once again made a choice to move towards something more serious than friendship. But like before you didn’t consider the long term meaning of a relationship.

Anyway this isn’t a letter to bash you or live out the past, that’s pointless. This is to say thank you!

Thank you for showing me the good qualities that can and will exist in the man God will bless me with.

Thank you for breaking my heart so badly by calling me obsessed with you (“it’s like i’ve become you world”) that I let the ugliest and craziest part of myself out. Letting that side of me out showed me a reflection of myself that I hated, and even worse I hated that I let some man be the cause of me reacting that way. In turn that led me to be wise enough to walk away from you, even though it hurt.

Thank you because after you dumped me and filled me (purposely or not) with such self hate for not being able to resist sex with a consenting partner that I made the decision to go to therapy, which was the best choice of my life. Because of that I learned to truly know and love myself.

Thank you because after you I became more cautious about the way I love.

Thank you for being the reason I can now be celibate because I now see that loving someone as much as I loved you didn’t equal forever and forever is the price that should be paid for my body.

And lastly, thank you for being used in Gods greater plan for my life.

P.S.- I hope you grow into a better man and find a women who will compliment your flaws.