Allan, at last I can get a word in without you putting me down. First, I’m SO glad I never moved in with you. You are the laziest man I ever had the misfortune to meet. I wish wish wish I hadn’t been so good to you, all the time and money I invested in cleaning your pig sty of a house, stocking your larder, helping you out.

As I got to know you better, I wish I’d told you I hated having to go and visit your family when I got off a 10 hour work shift and a 2 hour train trip to see you. But most of all, I wish I’d told you about the fantastic man I met,and that I’d been dating while I was finding the courage to dump you, and how happy he made, and still does make me. I wish I’d told you when we got married, and how blissful our Venetian honeymoon was. But most of all, I wish I’d told you to fuck off years earlier.