Softness in my heart

Dear You,

I’m trying to forgive you.  I never thought you’d do this to me, but I know that there’s something that you’re struggling with.  I can’t really put my finger on what it is, but it’s what broke us up.  Maybe it’s a fear of the unknown (our future).  Maybe you thought that we were eventually going to break up anyway (you talked about us starting to build up resentments against each other at some point in the future).  Maybe you ended it so you wouldn’t get even closer and have to deal with more potential pain later.

Maybe I’m all wrong on that theory.  Maybe you realized that you weren’t ready to take the next step with us. Maybe you stopped loving me but were too scared to tell me that. Or maybe it is, really, just the distance like you said.  Maybe it’s something else, but it’s definitely something… something that caused you to put up a wall and not let me in any further.

I just hope that, whatever it is, you don’t bury it.  I hope that you can be at peace with yourself and work on whatever it is that’s holding you back.  You deserve to be happy – I hope you don’t ever give me a reason to actually wish unhappiness upon you… because I think that there are people out there who actually deserve that.

I’m trying to forgive you… I’m trying so hard.  I miss you.  I wonder if you miss me too.  Are you writing?  Do you care about me?  Will I ever hear from you again?  Do you even know that you hurt me and that I’m still hurting?

Sometimes I still think about the shared dreams we had, but maybe you lost sight of those dreams.  Or maybe, I’ll be happy in the future knowing that those dreams didn’t come true.  Or maybe they still will come true.  While I admit that we both had flaws and that our relationship was flawed at times, overall, I think we were great.  And it’s hard to let go of those dreams sometimes.

But maybe they were just that – dreams, which hardly ever come true.  I guess we all have to learn that lesson at some point…the hard way for many, if not for most.

But maybe I’m wrong; maybe better and bigger dreams will be fulfilled for me, and you’ll be a memory.  But I’ll always remember you with softness in my heart.

Love,

Me