Where do I even start with you!!! How do I even describe the emotions that are ripping through me right now!!!
I met you 22 years ago and somehow after all this time our paths crossed again. It all seemed so perfect, like it was ‘meant to be’.We fell in love in the blink of an eye, you told me you loved me and I was your forever, everything you have ever looked for in a woman, we spoke of our future, where would live and growing old.
You even took up the challenge to meet my ex husband to let him know your intentions were real, you met my children, they loved you and you loved them, we never fought, we couldn’t get enough, everything felt so perfect, secure and almost miraculous, I opened my heart, soul and mind to you after building up walls so high that I thought nobody would break, you did, we loved, we shared, we laughed, we spent moments of the most amazing comfortable silence and times that we could just be…then I wake up expecting your usual message of ‘Good morning beautiful’only to be faced with a message telling me you are not sure if you can do this anymore!!!…WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU???…you cannot give me answers nor face me!!!…what kind of man ends does that?…you have left my heart in a million shattered pieces, some days I don’t want to face the day yet hope that tomorrow will be better, I tell myself it will get better, they say time heals all wounds. I love you so much yet fear letting you know for fear that will not respond, all i think about is you, I look at my phone all the time hoping for you to reach out to me. You will not receive this letter yet I hope it gives me some healing.
Pain comes in all forms. the small twinge, a bit of soreness, the random pain, the normal pain of the past that we live with everyday. A level of pain that it blocks out everything else…makes the rest of the world fade away, until all we can think about is how much we hurt. how we manage our pain is up to us. We anethetize, ride it out, embrace it, ignore it, and for some of us the best way to manage pain is to just push through it.
Pain. You just have to ride it out, hope that it goes away on it’s own. hope the wound that caused it heals. There is no easy solution, no easy answers. you just breathe deep and wait for it to subside. most of the time pain can be managed, but sometimes pain gets you when you least expect it, it hits you way below the belt and doesn’t let up. You jus have to fight through because the truth is you can’t out run it…and life always makes more!!!