I’m tired…

I’m tired…

I’m tired…
Posted by in I wish you well
2 Comments
There are many things in life that we do not understand – times where we feel wronged, people who have hurt us, and events that we wish could reverse. But once the dust settles and time passes, there is often more than not nothing we can truly do – what is done is done and what has been said lingers each time we look back. Often it is not about what is meant to be or any particular timing – it often is a reflection of what gives – there is always something within us that propels us to pull the trigger and shrink away into the land of comfort, the land of where we form walls that no one can touch.

At some point in the journey, our eyelids grow tired and we want to rest – even our heart as yearning as it may for love, attention, and care – is also tired of getting trampled on and pulled at. The strings are loose and we want to set ourselves free. After all, what point is a life where we are unable to fly ahead and look at the natural beauties this world has to offer? There may still be a glint of sadness in our eyes as we glance around, wishing those precious moments that we know we still treasure somewhere deep inside will one day awaken – but that is no longer the case.
Be brave, look ahead, and even take a look around. I will stay for the end of this song – despite playing re-play ten times already, I will stay around until the lyrics fade away. And then I will get up and claim it as my own, not anyone else’s.
We are all but selfish in our own ways. I want you by my side, but can not contain your faults, harsh words, and icy walls you surround yourself with. Your vulnerabilities but only last split moments, before we need to face reality and it all breaks down. And it shall. And perhaps this song is the last I can remember of our vulnerabilities – there is such tender beauty in vulnerability, a crispy snow white glistening layer that threatens to melt, but when the sun reflects on it – I want to cherish it, I never want it to away, I never want the night to end. But by morning, the snow has melted, and as with all things that perhaps by contradiction to my initial words were never meant to be, you fade away into a dream that I have carved you into. You are a snowman with a heart of ice that I will never melt. Even when you have melted away leaving me to drown in the puddle of despair, I will forever be reminded of your frozen heart that you never gave me the keys to unlock. I tread away frostbitten – it was fun playing in the snow, but despite my own vulnerabilities, my basic instincts kick in – I am a creature needing warmth and emotional nourishment – if I stay longer, I will no longer find my own inner warmth. Goodbye my snowman, may you find the girl who will one day unlock your frozen heart and I wish you well.

2 Comments

  1. Tribute 9 years ago
    Reply

    My heart was never frozen…in fact the opposite. That wasn’t called for? Do you see me saying unecessary nasty things. Maybe in the past. You hurt me too remember. Do you believe you didn’t do anything wrong either? I could’ve said much about you yet I loved you for who you are-faults & all. No one is perfect. What gave me hope was reading the many letters you wrote on various sites and I finally began understood the real inner you. You never let me in when we were together. Did you ever realise that? I wasn’t any better. How were we to grow together if There’s so much I wished to say. I wrote a lengthy reply yet I’ve decided it is of no use for there’s nothing I can say that’ll change your mind. I can’t explain why I still feel the way I do for you. By you writing to me says just as much? Our love was special & unique. I say that as I’ve never felt that way about another. I wonder what your life is like & what you get up to these days. Silly me waited this whole time, living my life like you yet by us communicating you could say in this fashion I thought you’d see I have changed as have you. I love you & I’ll never forget what we once had & could have been. You were the first woman I ever wished to marry, have children with, grow old together, travel the world together…..Everything yet now just a loving memory. Would a snowman be able to pour his frozen heart out as I have just done? I’ve always wished you well & may you find the happiness & love you have always deserved.

    Tenacious D

  2. fieldsoflavender 9 years ago
    Reply

    The saddest thing when I read these replies is that people transfer their aspirations and hopes onto anything they are able to attach to. Unfortunately or perhaps fortunately, I am not sure what in your case, I am not the person you are looking for or replying to. Perhaps just like the shadow I have been writing to, they keep to stay in the dark where they belong. Perhaps we give them too credit for being the person with so much potential – when in fact, the answer may be very simple – they simply did not and do not care. Best of luck with your future endeavours.

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