I’m hurting so much because of you

I’m hurting so much because of you

I’m hurting so much because of you

LTME postDear ex, not a day goes by where I don’t think about the way in which you hurt and betrayed me. I try my best not to think about it and just block you out my mind, but the pain runs soooo deep. You, the one person i never thought would hurt and betray me is the one who hurt me the most. just writing this brings tears to my eyes. We were inseparable, you were my first love and the person I was the closest to. You were my best friend and confidant. We could tell each other everything and just laugh. Four years of being in a relationship with you and being in love has all ended. Yes we had some rocky times in the relationship but if you really love someone, how can you easily walk away? You walked away without looking back. Then later on you made me feel like you wanted to repair things but all that while you started seeing someone else and got her pregnant. You tried to hide it from me and was still trying to fix things with me when I didn’t even know what was going on. How could you??? Do you know the shock and pain I felt when i found out the truth? you played with my feelings that whole time. Did i even matter to you since you easily did what you did and lied and played with my feeings all that time?
I sometimes feel like I wasted my time with you now that I’ve seen your true colors….I’ve been told that I should be glad that I finally saw your true colors…but it still hurts so much. It hurts to know that you’re not the person I thought you were, it hurts to know that everything was clearly a lie. I loved you with my all but yet you hurt me so bad. I wonder if you realize the pain you’ve caused or if you’re actually sorry. Everything is different now and while I’m in pain, I’m positive you couldn’t really be bothered. I’ve realized that when you think you know someone, they can surprise you.

21 Comments

  1. M 5 years ago

    Amen to that, Samantha.
    It’s a horrible feeling to have the rug pulled out from under you: to wonder what the hell has happened.
    The shock and grief.. My circumstances are different to yours, but I feel hurt beyond measure.
    Best wishes to you. X

    • Shelly 5 years ago

      Yea it really is a horrible feeling. Heartbreak is never easy and its; really sad when the person you never thought would hurt you is the one who caused the most pain. But things get better in time. I hope your pain eases as well. Best wishes to you as well.

  2. Medea 5 years ago

    So sorry to hear of your story Sam… mine is very similar to yours. My bastard ex also strung me along, clinging to me and promising me the world when he was sprung with a pregnancy he did not want. Now he seemed to lap up fatherhood.

    But have faith. The pain don’t last, although the “sting” seemed to last forever. A year and half before I got over mine. Be strong… this won’t last, and theirs won’t last either. Nothing lasts forever, remember that. My bastard ex and his whore are still at it. But their romance is only a year and a half. So fresh still. Nothing lasts forever…

    • Shelly 5 years ago

      Sorry to hear that Medea. Yea, it’s really tough to go through something like that smh. They dont realize the pain they have caused us. I would take your advice about being strong although it’s real hard sometimes. And you’re very right about the “sting” because when I think about it, it really does sting sigh. All we can rely on is time and faith to heal our wounds.

  3. Medea 5 years ago

    I think they realized they are hurting us, but they don’t care because they have dumped us in the “past loves” basket.

    If you are still hurting out there, have faith. The sting don’t last forever, the nostalgic moments don’t last forever. My journey with this heartbreak has been 2 steps forwards and one step back. It’s 20 months from pain to couldn’t care less stage. I see his and his gold digger’s face in FB and it does not elicit anything for me. I’ve come a long way, and I’m sure many others have. I am sure you who are hurting now will also look to this past a year or more from now and heave a sigh of relief that you’re finally pain free.

    • alan 4 years ago

      I take grateful comfort from your words. I’m really happy for you that you have moved on. As for me I am going through the first roller coaster of emotions (anger, grief, nostalgia, bitterness). It has been 4 months now and my anguish seems to be getting worse. I have locked myself away and refuse to face the reality of what’s going on. My ex does not realise the pain she has caused and I find it imossible to rationalise any issue with her. She’s got a seemingly happy life while I just sink further runtime despair. I feel there’s no way out and I don’t know what to do for the best apart from just lie on my bed all day staring at the ceiling. It is killing me slowly…

      • Medea 4 years ago

        It’s been a long time since I logged in here. Thank you so much for your support Shelly. And Alan, I feel for you. Two years ago, I was in the depth of depression. Friends and relatives are tired of it and telling me to move on. They don’t understand it is not that easy. There were times that I just wanted to cut my heart out so I don’t feel pain. Thought of suicide, but quickly dumped that. I did not want to give his gold digging whore the satisfaction. As it happened, Karma caught up with him, caused by the woman he traded me in for.

        Anyway, my point to everyone is, survive your pain because your pain won’t last forever. The more you hanker to hear from him/her, the longer it will take for you to get over the relationship. I could not avoid no contact because of common properties that tied us together, and still do. But in the end, I had to chose to walk away. This site has been really helpful, if nothing else but to ventilate. Be brave and survive.

        • Alan jones 4 years ago

          Hi rachael. I have reached out to professionals but there is a 6 month waiting list. I am waiting to start a new job but I am dreading it. I don’t want to deal with life at the moment. I have friends but I don’t want to wear then down with my crap and so I have isolated myself from the real world. The ex has nothing but contempt for me which makes it impossible to communicate about anything, as along with her contempt I am also coming across with a lot of anger which makes me look like the bad person. She has cheated by the way and has everyone on her side as she is really good at manipulation. Anyway thanks for your words and I know I will get through this eventually. I hope I come out a bit wiser

  4. alan 4 years ago

    Very moving. I’m in the depths of pain which doesn’t leave me from the minute I wake up until I fall asleep that night. It’s become intolerable and I can’t see.any way out. I do know in my mind’s corner that I will recover it’s just the not knowing that is driving me insane. My ex wife, who I have 2 very young children to cannot see the pain she’s caused. I can’t think straight or control my feelings when it comes to visiting the children. I can’t function on a normal level, and I’m feeling and thinking irrational on a constant basis. I wonder when this will all end

    • Letter To My Ex 4 years ago

      Hi Alan, I’m so sorry to hear you’re not doing so well. I have a lot of sympathy for your situation especially as you have young kids too. Do you have any support from good friends/family you can talk to, or could you perhaps get some counselling? It might really help and I know for me personally, seeing someone neutral was the circuit-breaker I needed to steer myself onto better path during my last break-up.
      I really hope you’ll reach out; help is definitely there for you.
      Keep us posted with how you’re going.
      Rachel

  5. Alan jones 4 years ago

    Hi Medea. Thanks for your supportive words. I’m at odds with how and find it troublesome that I can’t make my mind up on the most simplest things. As I have been hurt so much I don’t know if I can trust my own judgement at the moment so I am finding it easier to just opt out if all life events. I carry pain from morning g to night and try to sleep as much as I can to save myself some suffering. I know I will get through this, at least most of the time, but I also understand that it’s early days. I have opted out of seeing my very young children, and not because I’m a bad dad, as it saves me a lot of pain in the short term. Thank you for responding as it helps to see other people have been through this and come out the other side.

    • Medea 4 years ago

      You are welcome Alan. The early days/weeks/months are the worst. Try minimize contact with your ex though, if that were possible. Keep contact with your kids by phone for now, if that would help? My Doc put me on anti-depressants as a “crutch”. I could not take it. It made me feel so sick, I wailed, I scream, I cursed him. So I went cold turkey. Sleepers will help for those nights that you can not sleep. I found staying at home, with the memories screaming at me at every corner was worse. I went back to work. Work was therapy for me. I dragged myself to work.

      Yes, friends are not much help. I work in the health field, so practically know or have worked with just about every professional (Psychologist and Psychiatrists) in my city. Where does someone like me go for help? I ended up on line, here and another site. I have one close friend who stayed with me all these times who also broke up with her BF. My one friend and on line friends from sites like these were my ‘crutches’. Be brave for your children’s sake. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Cry if you must, scream if you must, wail if you must. All these are good release from pain, albeit temporary.

    • Rich 4 years ago

      Alan , this is coming from a man who is going through myself. Quick background , 8 months ago my wife and i seperated and i mean into different bedrooms in our house. I find out n October that she has been seeing another man. Me and her seperated 2yrs. prior and i found out then about the guy , it turns out during our reconciling ( we had a very deep conversation) she never let him go …..it was the same guy, DAMN that hurt bad. I would have excepted more if it was different guy and she turned out to just be a whore but that is not the case.
      Whats hurts the most badly is the time i put in and dedicated to her and showed her that she was loved my me. I believed the words she said and trusted…and i was the complete FOOL in the end. All that after 12yrs of life together.
      All those thoughts going on in your head (especially the irrational ones , i kno which ones) they can lead you deeper down to where you are listening to them instead of them listening to you. My friend it hurts its real. I feel better now then i did 4 months ago but there are days when it does hit me.To maintain composure what i do now is try to control with music preferably earbuds/headphones , example if im feelibg angry i will put on some really hardcore music, if i was missing her it would listen to brian mcnight 1 or 2 songs and so forth. It was a little hard at first to train your emotions but when the songs are done i feel like i released the tension , emotions, feelings then i start my day again.
      My friend you are not alone ….it does hurt my friend every day until it wont anymore.
      My situation is the same as yours but different…same pain though
      I felt i needed to reply to your moment in life as im going through it.
      I check back for a reply , i would like to see how your holding up.

  6. Alan jones 4 years ago

    Hi Rich. I’m sorry to hear your pain buddy. I hit my lowest point last week when I couldn’t hurt any more. It was during that time that I found the concrete evidence I needed, that she had been cheating, in the form of mobile phone records…you see it hit me that I wasn’t going mad. I accused her of cheating on me and she swore down it wasn’t the case and that she just needed space. I knew deep down that something was going on, stuff just wasn’t adding up. I felt like I was going mad, she made me feel like I was going mad. Anyway since last week I have fully accepted what’s gone on, I just needed some answers. I’m still hurting but the relief I now feel is much better. However, I refuse to go near her which means I won’t be seeing my children over Xmas which sucks. I feel I need a lot more healing time before I can deal with what’s happened but I feel I’m on the right track. I still hurt, of course I do, but I now know that ill become a better person having been through this. I’ll also trust again one day as I’ll make sure she doesn’t ruin the rest of my life. I really hope that you are in a better place soon and thank you for your kind words

  7. Rich 4 years ago

    Alan, good to hear things are a little better. There will be good days and bad days. Im not much in the mood for Xmas but Merry Christmas.
    If you ever need to chat with some who knows what your going through , just post a comment and i’ll see it. Take care

  8. Alan jones 4 years ago

    Hi Rich. I understand that I’m in for some bad days in the future but for now I’m just appreciating some rest bite. As human beings we are all vulnerable to massive life changes and the effects of those changes on us, both psychological and physical. I seem to be struggling with anxiety at the moment, although the severity is up and down. It’s also down to the type of mentality we have as individuals and our past experiences. I reach out to you as a friend and I pray for your recovery and the wisdom which you will take from your harsh experience. We will hopefully be looking back on this period of our lives in time to come with pride that we got through it. All the best for 2016 and take care of yourself. Alan

    • Rich 4 years ago

      Alan, Thank you for the kind words, knowledge is power and seems your learning more about yourself. The One problem i discovered was i lost my identity , i was a family with wife kids and mortgage. I am no longer a family man and i have learned to accept it , very difficult but im on the other side of that pain now.The anxiety you feel will fade, normally it starts with a memory or you hear someone mention there wife or family. Re-discover yourself daily and those feelings fade.

  9. Angie 2 years ago

    if only there was a chance for me to rewind things I would choose not to have met you. I guess the more you love the more it hurts when it ends when it’s over. I loved you with all of my heart, I treated you in a way I have never treated any other guy and yet you still hurt me more than anyone ever have. how do we reverse how I feel? it’s hurt more that anything else.. cuts deeper than a knife. excruciating pain in my heart. not a day goes by without me thinking of you. we don’t talk anymore, at least not like we used to. you were not
    perfect not even close to it but I still loved you regardless. you made it so sweet I just wish it lasted for long. I still consider you as my babe coz I still love you and i feel like you miss me too but I really hope this pain would just cease. enough already.

  10. Skyler Allen Burton 3 months ago

    not a day goes by where I don’t think about the way in which you hurt and betrayed me. I try my best not to think about it and just block you out my mind, but the pain runs soooo deep. You, the one person i never thought would hurt and betray me is the one who hurt me the most. just writing this brings tears to my eyes. We were inseparable, you were my first love and the person I was the closest to. You were my best friend and confidant. We could tell each other everything and just laugh. Four years of being in a relationship with you and being in love has all ended. Yes we had some rocky times in the relationship but if you really love someone, how can you easily walk away? You walked away without looking back. Then later on you made me feel like you wanted to repair things but all that while you started seeing someone else and got her pregnant. You tried to hide it from me and was still trying to fix things with me when I didn’t even know what was going on. How could you??? Do you know the shock and pain I felt when i found out the truth? you played with my feelings that whole time. Did i even matter to you since you easily did what you did and lied and played with my feeings all that time?
    I sometimes feel like I wasted my time with you now that I’ve seen your true colors….I’ve been told that I should be glad that I finally saw your true colors…but it still hurts so much. It hurts to know that you’re not the person I thought you were, it hurts to know that everything was clearly a lie. I loved you with my all but yet you hurt me so bad. I wonder if you realize the pain you’ve caused or if you’re actually sorry. Everything is different now and while I’m in pain, I’m positive you couldn’t really be bothered. I’ve realized that when you think you know someone, they can surprise you.

  11. Lily 2 months ago

    I wrote a letter (soft copy) to my ex telling him how much he hurt me and basically saying that I know he was cheating on me. I’m in two minds if to send it or not. It’s been just over a year since we broke up and he’s now living with the woman. In the letter I was I focused on the fact that he didn’t have to handle the situation the way he did and could have just told me the truth instead of having me find out piece by piece and have to go through the pain every time.

    What do you guys think I should do? Should I send it?

    • Unknown 2 weeks ago

      Don’t do it lily, it will end in tears for you trust me. Write the letter and after you did that BURN IT. I hope you move on from this. Good luck xx

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