I think of you.
The places I go, the things I see, the songs I often hear. I think of you with every smile and every dreadful tear. My hopes, my fears, some silly things, the changing of the season. The funny thing is, sometimes I think of you for no good reason.
You are everywhere.
You’re at the grocery stores, on the back roads, the city that we reside. You’re in my dreams, you’re in my fears, you’re in my head, I can never hide.
But when I think of you, it’s not how you would expect. I think of all the pain you caused me. The way you’d make me cry. The way you took me from my friends and family. The way you’d always lie. The way you made me think that I deserved it all. The bruises, the scars, the humiliation, the hurt… The way I’d do everything I could, but you still treated me like dirt.
You made me think that love was something that I had to earn, you even laughed when you let each one of your friends take their turn.
You told me you loved me everyday, but you didn’t protect me.
Because of you, I bled each time I let other girlfriends effect me.
I wanted to be your only one.. I tried and tried so hard.
But I knew I wasn’t good enough. I was broken. I was scarred.
One day I brought you gifts, because you said you were sick.
I walked into your bedroom and you stood up real quick.
I saw two girls beside you, neither one was clothed.
Tears swelled up in my eyes as I left. And I said “I should have known.”
You always said it wasn’t your fault, you said that you would change.
I justified each action, stuck with you, said “It’s okay.”
Each day I drift further and further from who I thought I was.
I did so many things for you that I was ashamed of.
You were preying on my vulnerability. You broke me. You pursued me.
“You’d be nothing in this world without me.” is all you’d ever tell me.
Well now I’m here. I’m happy and free and my life is back on track.
I do think of you often, but I would never take you back.
You hurt me in so many ways, I don’t think I’ll ever recover. But with this freedom I’ve been given, I’ve got a new life to discover.
It’s always hard to think about all the times you fought me..
I forgive you. But I’ll never forget the lessons that you taught me.