You were my little penguin

Hey little penguin how have you been? Its been almost a year since ive had a chance to hold you in my arms. I miss the connection we had i miss the way i felt with you in my life. Im not religious but i pray religiously that your happy and that you are always in good health. I hope he treats you like you have always wanted. I wish we had a chance five years or at least 4 and some change damn girl i wish i told you how much you mean to when i had the chance i want to kiss you and provide for a family with you i want you to be mad when im not showing you the attention i should i hope that you smile i hope i dont ever weight heavy on your mind like you to do me i never had been closer to anybody in the world. I love you and i always will you became the pieces of myself i could never find. Your crooked teeth your cute butt your sweet voice just a few of the things i wish i could have back. My life has definitely changed without you here but ill be fine if you never know how i feel because i never knew how i was suppose feel when i fell for you you wont believe me i never ment to hurt you in anyway im sorry we had those dumb fights that shouldn’t have ever occured i should have been there for you but i didnt know what to say or do i tried my hardest babe you cheated on me you didnt tell me what you needed to say i wish i had listened more i wish i had proved that you made me feel as if life had a reason to go on you know my past with my adopted family and my dad dying you knew i was never close to my brother you know how my life was all sorts of fucked up i wanted nothing more than for you to be happy and as long as i shall live i will pray that you always have an angel by your side protecting you throughout your journey i miss you i want you back i love you i cry so much without you here i know i wasnt perfect but every moment with you was definitely worth it im not saying we will work im not saying that we have a chance idk what im trying to say im a better person because of you you were my best friend you were my little penguin you are gorgeous i saw you for 20 minutes you know i couldnt look at you i just want you to be happy i hear all this shit about how you messed around with one of my friends and you said no so i trusted you it is hard to think you didnt really love me its hard to think that all that time i didnt do something to make you ever want to change your mind you changed me in so many ways i am sorry i have emotional problems but i would never lay a hand on you i might raise my voice or walk away or want to be alone but every moment i ever made you doubt my love for you was more pain than i can ever explain i hope you smile i hope you laugh i hope you have a perfect family and an amazing life i love you little penguin in my heart you will stay. I feel weak i feel pain i feel hurt i feel blame i feel lost i feel trapped i feel im stuck in a box that will never again become unwrapped