Hi Abdallah,

I didn’t tell you when we broke up that I had kissed Ahmed again 2 months before we broke up, just before I started the therapy sessions. It was on a night out. We were in a terrible place at that point and he caught me at a low point. I had no energy to push him away and keep up my boundaries and I also wanted to feel wanted. The excitement felt soothing for that one night.

I’m sorry I lied to you about this. This incident didn’t change our outcome, but lying is cheap and easy and disrespectful. So for that I am sorry.

I’m trying to release all the lies, release the story in my head that I am a cheater and bad person, and that this is unchangeable. In reality I was a person hurting – living in survival mode. I’m no longer in survival mode, or I know I don’t have to be. I no longer have to behave like this. I can choose otherwise. I am changeable, and I can actively choose this change.

I hope you can forgive me for not giving you my best self in this moment.

Good luck, I wish you a truthful life,
Natasha