You once mentioned that, with your previous relationships, you’d disappear from their lives entirely the moment they did you wrong, and now that you’re gone i’m simply left wondering and going back on every single mistake i’ve made, as little as they may be

In return, i’d like to point out the things you’ve done that have also hurt me; while i truly don’t mean this in a vengeful way, i also know that you will never find this letter. selfishly, i hope i’m right

I never asked for too much; a short call and a text message every three days is everything i needed to get me through the week,, i noticed the way you looked at other men when we walked downtown, and how sometimes you’d be embarrassed to be seen with me,, 

I’ve been so hurt and ignored throughout my life, but those tiny glimpses of affection you gave me made it all worth it,, the way i made you smile and how you’d hold my hand, and how you’d allow me to rest my head on your shoulder on the bus,, 

I really wish i was in better shape when you met me, perhaps you would’ve stayed a little longer; i don’t just mean physically, but mentally too. i’ve been abused in the past and the thought of intimacy with another man is haunting and terrifying to me; but you were tender and sweet, and in your arms i felt safer than ever. i really wish i was in better shape, perhaps with looks alone i would’ve stayed in your mind a little longer

Today my teachers allowed me to leave class early, and i must look extremely pathetic because everyone kept asking me if things have gone south with us, i just wanted to go home, i want to go back to you, i want to hold you and i want you to tell me the truth; above all things, i want you, i want to give you my time and space, my tears and my joy, and it’s killing me because of this rude awakening of you not wanting me back

I’m sorry if i can’t remember little things, like what i had for breakfast or to give you those origami butterflies every time i see you like i promised; i’m sorry if i stop talking sometimes, because i’m stuck looking at you and every freckle on your face; i’m sorry if i met you so soon, so unprepared and completely demolished by experiences of my past; I’m sorry if i’ve asked you to call more than once, but you do know that i love hearing you talk; i’m sorry if my lack of stability and all of these things scared you off

I love you, and i understand that perhaps you don’t feel the same

These are all of the things i wish i could tell you, and i could; but perhaps deep inside i know that you simply do not care anymore,,

As a last note, i’d just like you to know that

That is fine too. i love you