Remember when you told me to call you by your full name? You said it felt more like you than “Josh” ever did. So I called you that. I didn’t stop even when you were being horrible to me. Eventually I stopped seeing the point in the extra syllable if you were never gonna care, so now I only use it sometimes.
I hope you’re doing well. I’m angry at you. I resent your behavior. I can’t think about you without getting a rush of bad emotions. But I’m serious when I say I wish you the best.
I don’t know if we’re going to talk again. I don’t know if you’ll ever text me again. But I see you sometimes in your mom’s posts and it makes me sad. I don’t know anything about your life anymore. I don’t know what’s happening at your work or if you’ve got any new crushes. And you still look so sad.
I hope things get better for you. I hope you find someone who’s everything you searched for. I hope you start laughing more and being more confident in your artwork and your music. You’re so gifted with music. I hope you find your way in life and have the life of your dreams. 
Selfishly, I hope I get to be there for it. I hope we can be friends. But if not, that’s okay too. I just want you to know that yeah, I’m mad at you. Yeah, I resent your behavior. Yeah you’ve been a real d*ck to me. But I still care about you. I still want to have our inside jokes. I still see you as some form of a soulmate.
I don’t know if this means anything to you, but I still call you Joshua sometimes.
Hope to see you smile soon.