Not-so-dear anymore ex-lover,

It’s unfortunate that my beautiful mind is still contaminated by thoughts of you. What your fucking problem was is still a big nagging mystery. I had accepted that I made mistakes, apologized for them, and corrected them too. Once again, sorry for asking you to try a new food, to give me a call every few days, and to express your opinion on a subject, because doing any of that would totally violate your personality. If you couldn’t truly forgive me and give our relationship another chance wholeheartedly, why did you keep leading me on? Hypocritical much, after boohooing that you’ve been led on and shit on by every chick you’ve tried to pursue.

I made countless, fruitless attempts over the summer trying to get you to be honest about your feelings and always got your bullshit “everything is perfectly fine” answer in return. Had I known you were such a coward when confronted in person, I would have initiated the conversation over text message much earlier and freed us both from this shitty relationship. The way you ended everything is pathetic. Thanks for the respect you’ve given to me and our intense 8-month long relationship.

Sympathizing with you and thinking you would appreciate the fact that you finally met a girl who cherished you was the biggest mistake I made. Instead, you just used my love to fuel your ego and got a kick out of teasing me and leading me on because it was the first time a girl really wanted you. Consequently, karma showed up to your date when your new flame didn’t. Oh yeah, and I’ve determined the problem behind your ‘feels like something’s missing and we can’t seem to get it back’ complaint. I know what was missing – your balls, which were never there to begin with so retrieving them is out of the question. Next time you try to pursue a relationship, either stop being such a pussy about everything or if you haven’t grown a pair yet, do women a favour and stay the fuck away from them.

I’ve struggled to let go of the idea of having you back for 4 months. Today is the first anniversary of the wretched day I decided to get involved with you. Instead of moping over your loss, today, I gift myself liberation by letting all my negative emotions out in this letter. And happy fucking anniversary to you too! I hope your brain replays every beautiful memory you shared with me and you finally realize what a fucking dumbass you are for giving up on true love.

Peace, loser.