Dear Kelly,

You broke up with 4 days before Christmas.

Since then I have been a mess. Every night I go to bed either half in the bag or on xanax because I can’t bear the thought of shutting my eyes to go to sleep and not being able to fall asleep immediately, fearful that I’ll think about you.

In our 2.5 years together, I showed you the world. I took you everywhere, treated you perfectly, respected you, SUPPORTEd you, loved you with all of my heart.

And then 3 months before you said you were not in love with me I just had an instinctual feeling that you already had a backup plan, someone you thought might be more exciting. Like yoU out on the ocean going from raft to raft, finding the one that might suit you best at that particular moment. Short term view. I I didn’t think anything of it at the time, but a guy’s instinct is a guy’s instinct.

Fast forward to today….you just announced to the world that you are in a relationship with this guy via Facebook.

Well, I’m here to tell you what your future will be like.

You are now going out with a guy 1500 miles away from you….Long distance relationship. He weighs 350 pounds. He has major facial hair. And well, those are attributes you always said were gross yourself.

KELLY, I’ve realized that all you are looking for is some kind of excitement and emotional support. I’m sorry for treating you so perfectly which may have made you think things were boring. But here is what is going to happen.

You guys are going to be excited for a while. He’s probably never even touched another girl as beautiful as you since honestly, he looks like a gigantic polar bear. So he will think he is madly in love. Then he will soon realize that YOU are the confused one. You don’t have sex, you don’t know if you even like guys or girls, and all you want is some temporary thing to be there for you while remaining a sense of excitement. You are selfish. You are confused. In 6 months to 1 year from now, you will realize that this guy is not marriage material. I was. Smart, Global citizen, traveled the world, great family, great job, adventurous, fun, outgoing, and sensitive. And BIG HEART.

And despite all of this, I am a 32 year old male that cries and hyperventilates 3 times a week over you. When I get home e from work in the wee hours of the morning I always look and hope to see your car parked in the driveway THINKING YOU MIGHT HAVE REALIZEd YOU MADE A MISTAKE. But it’s never there. AND I CRY.

In two years you you will realize how happy we could have been together.

I loved you with all of my heart and gave you everything emotionally and supportively that I could give. INSTEAD, YOU GOT BORED AND FELL OUT OF LOVE WITH ME.

GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR 350 POUND NEW BOY FRIEND, WHO NO DOUBT IS A GREAT SENSITIVE GUY BUT HE too wILL SOOn REALIZE THAT YOU’RE THE ONE WITH THE ISSUES. You are insecure. You have no idea what you want or what is best for you.

I STILL WANT YOU THOUGH. I HAD A RING TO GIVE YOU. I AM STILL IN LOVE WITH YOU. BUT I AM STRONG. I WILL GET THROUGH THIS. I AM A CATCH. One DAY I WILL ONCE AGAIN BE HAPPY WITH MYSELF AND WITH MY FUTURE LOVE OF MY LIFE.

YOU’RE FUCZKING LOSS KELLY.

Our family, our kids, our life would have been perfect. But ultimately, you have no idea what you want because you either like girls, or only are looking for any person to support you emotionally who is desperate enough and be okay not to have sex with you, which is absolutely selfish on your part.

I wish you the best with your long distance 350 pound new boyfriend, who will be amazing to you until he realizes you’re the lucky one to have him. Not the other way around.

I sincerely hope you figure things out on your end and Find what brings you happiness. You are only kidding yourself with your current actions.

Andy