Dear N

I am devastated that we are no longer together and I am truly heartbroken but I am trying hard to get over it.

I have cried so much in the 3 weeks since you dumped via that early morning phone call.Came as a shock especially after our great weekend at your house. I gave a lot up for you and you gave up nothing. It’s time somebody told you a few truths.

You are very sexy , rich and funny but you are bloody annoying too!!

Your constant need to have your feet tickled was irritating , yes I did it but some nights I didn’t want to at all.

Your inability to sit through 99 percent of films without saying they were crap was so annoying.

Your cooking is shit!! Mine is good!!

Your habit of constantly repeating the same thing when you are giving out orders just makes you look like a bitch!

You lied to me about hunting foxes, you and your friends are fucking murderers!

Yes I’ll miss your £15M house , pool , tennis court etc etc…………

but I know one thing you’ll miss…SEX , yes you know I’m fucking good at it and I know that it occupies your thoughts.

Hope the guy you got with less than a day after breaking with me (or was it slightly before) is boring and can’t get it up after a while like your ex husband couldn’t…now that would be fucking great!

Best wishes

xx

P.S But i’ll always love you.