Dear J

The truth is I am not over you. The truth is I still miss you. The truth is you are still my first and last thought. The truth is my heart is still yours. And the truth is I wish none of this was true.

When I think about love your face still comes to mind. You were (are) my first love and I guess that has a lot to do with it. I think the other part of the problem is that I am struggling to remember why I left you in the first place. So I guess now is a good time for reflection.

After everything we went through I think I was inlove with the idea of you. I was holding on to who I thought and hoped and wished you were. And we had some great times, but if we’re really honest we would admit it ended a long long time ago. We stopped being in love and the only piece of string holding us together was the memories of how it used to be.

I remember a night like so many others fighting about anything and everything. Trying to get out but wanting oh so badly to stay together.

I guess we could have gone on like that forever. But sweetie let’s be honest, we weren’t happy. We were trying to fool ourselves. We were trying to force it – and that’s not how it is supposed to be.

We met too soon. And ended way too late. We were kids when we met. We didn’t know back then that time passes and with that comes growing up and changing. The sad part is we grew apart and we could wish forever that we didn’t we can wish and wish and wish but nothing can turn back time.

I wasn’t right for you and you weren’t right for me. You are who you are meant to be, that just (sadly) does not include me.

My love, I wish things could be different. But the thing is we are poison to one another. We only cause hurt and anger and frustration in each others lives. And sweetheart I wish that wasn’t true, but the worst part of me was you. You dragged me down, and showed me who I never wanted to be. You brought out the absolute worst in me. And I did the same to you. We used to despise one another, being chained together by love. Someone needed to cut the cord and baby, I am sorry it had to be me.

I wish you the best. And I know that the best for you does not include me.

Yours truly
A girl who still loves you (and always will)