1 Comment

1. 

   Bagels 9 years ago

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   I never loved Bagels till you took me to your favourite cafe. Where the Jacarandas line the streets. The suburb we both wanted to live in together. I felt so alive being in the moment with you & I never felt so loved by a woman. Venerable as I’ll ever be. Of course I haven’t moved on & never wanted too & that is exactly why I write about you in hope you can see I’m me once more. Do you remember my promise to you. My commitment that I alone said I will uphold. I have done so in blind faith & hope of rekindling our love. I’m the Man you fell in love with. I write because my heart beats in hope of talking to you? I don’t know where I stand with you. As it sounds nor do you. To write here why it’s taken me so long to “wake” up will be too long in a response. I have written why if you have seen it on only two places I write normally. I became sleep deprived. For months & it was my own doing. All the money I earned….I couldn’t care less about it. I plunged myself into work as it was a self preservation/distraction when we separated. It was the only way I could keep my head above water for I was like you? Heartbroken. Men hurt too. That’s hard to say here or anywhere for me. I allowed me to confuse and ruin me & so much was a blur for a couple of months. I worked stupid hours and until I said to myself NO MORE. I took control of my life mind body & soul. Since this happened you’ve heard my voice for I have always loved you for you. I then could see everything for what it was. Reflection at its best. That is why I questioned US. And it was both of us still. I played a major part & am at fault for all I said and didn’t do as I was meant to do. I’m so sorry. I fucked up. Not intentionally. Never have I felt so bad in treating anyone I love like I did you. What’s worse it did have to do with my “health”. I’m healthier than I’ve ever been since I did something about it. I was scared because I’m needle phobic. Still am to a degree. I used to feint when around them. OK. If you’ve read my recent posts then you have read my honest thoughts and feelings?I am mainly at fault & I’m not excusing myself or self pity. I’m human & I hurt too. I’m hard on myself for I’m a good Man & when I say or do things out of character I do make the permanent changes from within. For me. This spiritual path is a double edged sword I’m now believing. On top of living to a Buddhist ideology. That will make you laugh no doubt. I’ve learnt more this past year than my entire life. You must think I’m silly. I will write it again for your eyes alone so there’s no misunderstanding. I have no expectations because I can’t unequivocally say this is you. I love you & repeating this I feel I’m demeaning my promise to you. I would love to answer any of your questions if you have any for me. Not here of course. I can think of another site if this makes it easier for you? I miss you & my heart has always been yours if you still want me as your man or in your life. I accept your decision as I understand whatever you choose it is the right one. I believe in you & by myself saying this I hope this gives you some sort of reassurance for this is part of Unconditional Love. Thank you for reading this far as it means the world to me.

   If I’m wrong then I am sorry for then I truly have projected inappropriately on your letter for which I now owe you an apology dear author if this is the case. Those Pork Bagels were to die for. I’m not even a pork fan either lol.