Dear LRB

The time I spent with you was beyond amazing. When I met you I was just 14 and I was foolish, stupid and naive but I never saw a bad thing about you. At 14 relationships are just a game, I never knew what I was doing, I broke up with you because I was scared of it becoming something serious. I made you wait 6 long months till we met again and your smile, your laugh and your beautiful eyes they captured my heart in such an amazing way. I was 15 but this time I knew I was ready.

I let myself become yours, I made you presents for your birthday, our anniversary, Valentines Day and Christmas. I spent every bit of money I had buying you ‘cute’ presents from every shop I could find. When I gave them to you I never felt like they were good enough even though I had spent so much money and time on them but you would smile and laugh and hug me tight at every present and everything would feel worthwhile.

I loved you with all my heart, at first no one ever believed us, they’d call us stupid and reckless but soon those people began to accept that what we had was special. I soon found something that I was scared to lose and I held on with every piece of me. Maybe I held on too tightly, maybe I got to jealous and pushed you away…

It was on your 18th Birthday that she spoke to you again, the day that completely shattered by world. She waited 2 years since you first rejected her to say “happy birthday” it was innocent and friendly, but either you or her made it something more. Before I knew it, you were meeting up.. you and her, hugging and spending time to together. I remember when we went to a concert 3 days before you broke up with me and I told you I was worried about how close you and her were getting, you told me you’d let her sit on your lap. I almost walked away.

Although, all the signs were there I never believed it, I kidded myself that everything was perfect. Around the 4th of April, I asked you if you had feelings for her… your reply… “I don’t know.” Then it ended, everything broke like that expensive vase and it shattered around us. It took you another month for you to talk to me again, you still weren’t with her and you let me think that I had a chance till you crushed me once again with telling me you were asking her out in a few days time and I had no chance.

It’s been 8 months now and although there is a smile on my face, it’s fake and it’s not real. Every night I cry as I imagine her in your arms, you and her kissing. Those thoughts haunt me. You say that you love me and you say that you still want to be with me but you ‘can’t leave her’.

I wish every night that you’d walk into my room and tell me everything is okay, that you want me back and everything will be like it used too.

I don’t have an explanation for why you did this to me, or why you continue to break me but I love you. Although I should let go, I can’t. I wish you understood.

Yours,

Katherine.