So tomorrow is Xmas eve. I sit here not sleeping and feeling sick to my stomach not feeling better all. No sense of closure. Each day is agony trying to somehow forget you. Images of you possibly with him in his bed last night. You smiling as he fucks you. The way you used to smile at me. My mind won’t accept your actions of crying in my arms telling how much you love me and making plans to start seeing each other again. Then the next day committing to him. Out of the blue. I can only guess you told him you talked to me and a casual relationship suddenly got heated up. Maybe he forced you to be an official couple. Or maybe your GF’s told you to end for good with me and be with him. Whatever it was you are either lying to me or yourself and him. No changes their tune that fast.

I have a hunch who it is on your FB page. Funny I had a profile off what this guy would be. And there in your page there he was. That’s why I’m sure it must be him. Funny I know you so well I can imagine the guy you would pick. He has a bad boy quality and tattoo’s and is younger than you. And a widower, with a kid. Perfect for your fantasy. You can get attention from someone you never thought would be into you as well as play the surrogate mom. You can introduce him to your kids. One happy family. I can see the fantasy building in your mind. It just fits your low self esteem issue. Funny how I read most rebound relationships involve the bad boy type for women or someone different. I’m older than and a professional with several college degrees and make good money. You chose a younger, white trash probably uneducated man as your fantasy guy. Good luck with that.

Before you admitted that you were “talking to someone else” you said something to me that I thought was weird. We were standing in the parking lot and you hugged me and said you forgot how tall I was. I thought it was a funny comment at the time. Now I guess you were somehow you were comparing him to me. Either I am taller than him or he is tall and you somehow remember me as shorter. All little clues I was picking up on at the time. I knew deep down you were not letting yourself fully go with me. There were other small clues but I couldn’t price the all together that day. Things were just too emotional. Funny how clear everything became after the fact. Well at least I won a free dinner from my friend. He bet me that only after a couple of weeks you wouldn’t start dating someone else. I said it had to be no way you would continue to stay away from us being together. Well I guess it shows how shallow you really are. A bad boy flirts with you and then you are read to jump.

I gave you years. We had such a long history together. We shared so much. You told me how I changed your life and how I was the only one that really cared about you that much in your life other than your kids. I so want to wish you happiness to been all I thought about during our relationship. I wanted you to be happy after such an unhappy marriage. I know this is rebound but thy does not mean I am hoping it will end quickly and come back to me. I’m sure you won’t after you burned your bridge. Not a good move in your part. You know nothing about this guy. Look at his FB page under interests it says “women”. What does that tell you ? But you will have to make your own mistakes. Before Thursday I could never wish you ill. But now I hope he cheats on you and breaks your heart too. You so deserve it. Stop lying to yourself. You don’t say and do the things we shared on Thursday to suddenly reverse yourself 180 degrees. You are lying to yourself. And this new guy. I wonder now if it was more serious and you cheated on him with me. Either way. You are a liar. And I hope you get what you deserve in this new relationship. I would love nothing more for you to come crawling back to me some day so I can tell you to fuck off. That would be the day I would truly be free of you.