I wish you well

It’s been two years, maybe more and I’ve seen other people; its not that I want you back because I don’t – I guess that I am hurting because of the way we broke up. Me, in Sydney and you in Berlin.

I had issues that I needed to work on and that I could only work on by myself. You couldn’t make up your mind as to whether you wanted to live in Australia or Germany. The anxiety of separation and uncertainty was driving me mad. I couldn’t think, eat or sleep. I lost a lot of weight. So with a heavy heart I broke up with you.

read more

You know it took me a long time to understand why things went the way it did. And finally I did understand it the day when you said to me that I should be ‘grateful that you took me in’. That explained it all to me. I just wish you said it to me sooner so that I could’ve made wiser decisions sooner, because I thought we were together for love. Luckily for me I was always honest and hopeful, no matter how difficult it was sometimes and for that I am proud of my steadfast integrity.

So as our lives continue to diverge, I am happy that I’ve put this experience behind me and can only hope that you will at some stage reflect on the course of events, the actions, the words. But most of all, I am happy to say goodbye!

T,

I never cease to be amazed by life. Just as I was starting to sink into the mandatory self-flagellation period that follows a break-up – looking for the evidence of why we ended – fate, circumstance, or simple serendipity step in and provides me with an answer.

Two days ago I walked home from work to have a quiet lunch. I turned on the TV (so that I’d have some background noise to fill my big, empty apartment) to discover that Q&A was on. The host and guests were in the middle of an animated discussion on the merits and validity of lust and love in relationships, so as you can imagine I was more than a little intrigued. One of the guests defined love as a mixture of intimacy, emotion and commitment, then went on to say that real love is the result of two people making a commitment to be together after spending enough time together to know what they’re getting into and what compromises they are willing to make.

read more

When we first met we lapped up the hours and soaked up the booze what a HOOT we almost finished each other’s sentences. I moved away and you moved with the dolphins I found myself a new one and finally things were great again… that ended so I moved back but you were headed for a one way ticket to Oney-Town.

Horry horry horry up and get back.

Dear Rob,

When we first met I understood fully the kind of casual set up I was walking into. Three months into seeing you I started to think that maybe there was actually something more to it. You encouraged me, romanced me… and then I found out you had caught herpes from some girl you met on the beach and that you had passed it on to me. It’s no big deal I thought… I forgave you and wanted to continue seeing you… so fast forward to now and its been almost a year. Everything is all about you and your narcissistic needs. I’m your supply and I’m DONE with your gas lighting. You sucked me in, spat me out, sucked me in, spat me out. Messed with my head to the point where I doubted every thought I had.

read more

Hey Kat,

So, it’s three years on and we are both in relationships. Yours started less than a month after our two year relationship broke up. I understand that while I didn’t physically cheat on you, what I did was emotionally the same thing. I hate that I hurt you and I miss you so much still. However, I don’t know exactly who I’ve become in the last three years and I don’t know who you are any more either.

read more

I gave it everything.

I changed myself for you, rearranged my time, rearranged my life, I cared and empathised, compromised and sacrificed so many pieces of me; but we both knew the end was inevitable, unavoidable, fateful. It was a time of mutual exploitation – you didn’t feel so alone and I had something to help me feel alive. I can’t be mad, how can I be mad? I have no right to be mad. And I am not – I can finally say the anger has cleared out of me, it evaporated with other pains, other pains I needed to feel, to help me realise that you can never ever be a part of my life again.

read more