Just want to say sorry

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The torment of your absence
The torment of your absence 150 150 Letter To My Ex

Dear S.,

It’s past midnight and I can’t sleep. I don’t want to sleep because every time I do, I dream of you again and it hurts me to the core. It hurts to wake up and realize that this was just a dream, that none of it was real. I’d like to believe that perhaps our souls really met in the dream but I can never know for sure. It’s this uncertainty that I hate. Not knowing if it’s just my own illusion or if there is more to this life than the physical reality. But the universe knows I’ve missed you. And I will always miss you.. There is no remedy for how much I miss your voice, your touch, your smile, your eyes. No amount of time can take away that longing to see your face, to be able to hug you and tell you how deeply sorry I am. No matter how great the distance is between us, it can never truly break the bond we once shared. There is no cure. You weren’t just a lover, you were also my best friend, my closest spiritual companion, and you will remain in my heart forever.

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You deserve much better
You deserve much better 150 150 Letter To My Ex

Dear Ben,

I’ve felt so bad after what I did to you that I wanted to  seriously  injure myself and die. I had to get lots of professional mental help and work hard to stay alive. I have tried to move on with my life but can’t help but feel guilty still and responsible for making you feel like you did.  I wish you well  in your endeavors and I thank you for  showing me what it’s like to be loved. I will  try to consider others when I make decisions in the future. I’m sorry  for my behaviour. I have learned so much  since then!  I just wanted to let you know. You are sooo completely handsome and wonderful. You can do anything. Thanks!

 

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Reflections.
Reflections. 150 150 Letter To My Ex

Emily,

Sending you this letter is taking an incredible risk, as what I say here may jade you further against me. However, I have not been forthcoming about where I have been over the past months, and honesty is the only way this is going to work. I do intend to write this seriously but the truth is sometimes best when, as Al Franken once noted, it is tinged with jokes.

I believe, strongly, that we can be friends. Given a forward mindset, a good sense of humor, and a solid sense of self, we can both become  incredible people. My belief in who you could become, after all, was one of the primary reasons I continued to be with you even when I doubted my utmost. I believe you can become the fantastic, assertive, self-defined woman you seek to be. In retrospect, I see that you have always fought to define yourself separate of others. You recognize your own ability to “get lost” in another, a sort of self awareness that is truly rare. God, I sound like Dumbledore. In short, doubt not that my trust or belief in you has changed. You are ultimately someone I will always consider a friend.

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I regret.
I regret. 150 150 Letter To My Ex

Dear My Ex,

It’s been three years since we broke up and I am still in love with you. I thought it would be a long enough interval where we could just be friends. But now you text me all the time, and we’re doing all sorts of fun stuff… and I just wish we were back together again.

See, this would be easy enough if I hadn’t treated you like utter garbage when we broke up. I have felt like the worst person in the world because of what happened. I learned a lot from all that, and have worked hard to be a good person because of it, but I don’t know if that really does you any good. I do think you see it in me now, but you are smart, and cautious, and I know you’re probably waiting to see if I turn bad again.
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Thoughts on why I left
Thoughts on why I left 150 150 Letter To My Ex

Dear Sean,

When I broke up with you, you said it was because I was scared to make myself happy. I think that was part of it.

My fear lay in other places, as well. I was afraid by committing to you longer, I’d a)waste your time by preventing you from finding someone who felt more secure in a relationship with you or b)end up marrying you without being completely sure we could last. I was daunted by my family’s strong feelings against you and was terrified how my doubts multiplied every time I was away from you from an extended period of time. I was getting restless and starting to check out other men. I often voiced my concern to you that I wasn’t sure if you were the last man I’d ever date. That concern was central when I decided to break up with you. My doubts resurfaced when my close high school friend called me on New Year’s, sounding disappointed that I had a boyfriend. I started thinking about other options of men.
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I’m So Sorry
I’m So Sorry 150 150 Letter To My Ex

You know who this is to because you have the email. I don’t want to put my name on here so you won’t quickly delete it…

I’m truly sorry for everything. Sorry is just a word when you hear it from my mouth. I’ve messed up so many times and all you gave me were chances and I shouldn’t have even had one. My heart is broken from my own stupidity.
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Let’s call it a fling
Let’s call it a fling 150 150 Letter To My Ex

Dear You,

We are always like this, arguing about nonsense things. I wish you’d grow and mature like a real man. Be more patient and caring for your next girl. Not every girl will treat you the way you like them to act around you. Sometimes, look in the mirror and ask yourself if you’re really treating your girl right. I am letting you go. Go and find other girls who can cook, can be with you when you want them to, can talk to you on the phone for hours, and can be more patient with you. I don’t think I can handle this anymore. I am the girl. You are the guy.

K

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I’m a fuck-up.
I’m a fuck-up. 150 150 Letter To My Ex

Hey Caitlan,

I know you’re probably never going to read this. I just wanted to let you know that I am truly sorry for every stupid thing that I put you through.

My life is a mess right now. And you don’t deserve to be put into it. I really wish that you never met me. Perhaps my life would be different, and I know that yours would. Yours would be full of happiness and laughter like it was before I came and fucked everything up.

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Although I should let go, I can’t
Although I should let go, I can’t 150 150 Letter To My Ex

Dear LRB

The time I spent with you was beyond amazing. When I met you I was just 14 and I was foolish, stupid and naive but I never saw a bad thing about you. At 14 relationships are just a game, I never knew what I was doing, I broke up with you because I was scared of it becoming something serious. I made you wait 6 long months till we met again and your smile, your laugh and your beautiful eyes they captured my heart in such an amazing way. I was 15 but this time I knew I was ready.

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Thank-you for teaching me how to use chop-sticks
Thank-you for teaching me how to use chop-sticks 150 150 Letter To My Ex

Dear Ryan,

It has been 3 months since we broke up and I want to get something off my chest. When I broke your heart you asked why and I said it was because we were just too different and it was finally starting to show. You asked if it was because I had met someone else and I said no. But truth is I had, it was who you suspected as well. He wasn’t the reason we broke up, I had been thinking about doing it for a long time but was not motivated enough to do anything about it. That is what our relationship did to me.

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