My awesome new life

To you D, the soul that drove me through hard times only to leave me in my worst situation and leave me out for 8 months. I wish I knew you were well, but that’s no longer my concern. You come back to me and pretend we are friends again? I will take that with love, but you beholding my heart again?? No! Sometimes, letting go of what you can’t have is forgiving you and me at the same time.

There are lot of people who will love me and I know that, but right now I’m all alone and will be for the next 9 months. If I could for the past 10 months without a genuine heart to heart connection, I will be alone working hard for a better future for the next 9 months. I will not let you take away what I’ve built.

My heart still drops when I see you girl and I hate that so much, but you know what i hate more? The fact that you still smile at me like we are friends. Yes, I agreed to be friends because I couldn’t handle saying no to you and your godamn apology. I know what I am, and self focus is what I want now.

The new Spiderman movie told me I should love someone and move on, but I’m still in an environment with you. I will try to love my friends for now, oh I made a lot since you left than my old pals. However I can’t spend quality time with them as I am in a hurry, but I’ll try. Work is more important now.

You still trying hard to breadcrumb me and keep me as a friend, but I wont fall for that any longer. You call us best friends now but you haven’t checked on me for a month. I’ll still talk to you and all – but it’s a brand new day for me.

IA, I want to say thank you, from the deepest part of my heart. Thank you for everything you have done, which was none for me but all about you. Thank you for at least doing the bare minimum, and to others that maybe a lot, and may seem as if you really over care and maybe you do, but that is as far as it goes. The pickups, the dropoffs, the fact that you always available because you work in a family environment, makes it look good, and every girl dreams of someone to be that vested in them. But after months, they realise, that thats all you have to offer oh and then drives that may look like date nights, because you cannot take them home and that in the real  world they only exist for the shadows. No surprised unplanned events, no spoils, no lets plan this, lets do that, lets go here, unless it is something that is for your benefit.

Your sex isn’t even fantasizing, as you foreplay until we need in the mood and then lay their like a stud, it has even begun and then its actually done. You always have so much to talk about others, constant drama, constant pettiness, constant reassurance, because of what you do with others, you constantly on your toes about if we know, or if we are doing the same. They take you as are the most loveable person, not knowing your actual game you play. You would make up things you need to do with family members, you would check-in constantly, you never dammit have data gosh, and when you do its because you being sneaky.

The reason why you don’t want us mingling with your ex and make them out to be this crazy psychotic person, because you are afraid of the truth being revealed. You can fool everyone, and we can fool you back, we will use you for the benefit, and pretend as much as you do. You always going to find your match until the day you learn loyalty something you don’t possess. You cannot be friends with someone from the opposite sex and you have proved that. You can also walk past someone and not flicker an eye-lid yet secretly laying up in there bed at night. You can be praising another person while at the same time be trash talking them so badly and discard them when you faced with revelations, you have no heart.

You always have a back up plan, and someone on the side to fulfil your desires. So here what I wanted to say, thank you on behalf of every female you made feel this way, thank you for showing us what men are like, what they do, and the games they play in order to feel masculine. I pity the women you were married to, as I can only imagine how she felt against you, and I just had to approach her, as i needed to understand and hear he side, whatever was to happen or how ever she would have reacted was for me to deal with. AND GUESS WHAT? You are seriously SICK, that psycho bitch as you refer her to is the most amazing lady, the most caring and understanding human I have seen towards her ex, for someone who trash talks there ex that much you’d think they would be bitter too, but the total opposite, I cant imagine what your marriage used to be like.

Nonetheless, I WANT TO END OFF BY SAYING, YOU LOST A DIME, YOU COULD’CE HAVE THE MOST AMAZING FAMILY, BUT YOU NOT MAN ENOUGH FOR HER. ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS CONTINUE ON YOUR JOURNEY AS YOU WILL REALISE WHEN ITS TOO LATE, AND YOU WONT HAVE NO CONTROL OF IT. THAT QUEEN IS GETTING ALL SHE DESERVES, BEHIND THE SCENES, A REAL MAN IS TAKING CARE OF HER HEART AND I am happy I got to let my guard down and not follow off what a man tells me. Thank you for the lift club while it lasted as that was all you had to offer

Gracias por romper conmigo, fue lo mejor que me pudo pasar en mi vida, ya no me duele perderte, no me duele estar sin ti, espero y puedas encontrar amor propio y no dependas de relaciones para sanar tus vacios, espero y madures, mi vida es hermosa desde que me dejaste, gracias por largarte de mi vida, no te quiero de vuelta, nunca vuelvas porfavor, quiero alguien que me ame con todo su corazon y lo merezco, y lo encontrare, te deseo lo bueno, ya no te amo, ya no te extraño, ya no me importas y eso me encanta, solo te digo adios definitivamente, no quiero saber nada de tu vida, solo eres un niño con falta de amor propio, autoestima, madurez y tantas cosas, no eres un hombre eres solo un niño, fui demasiado para ti y no soportaste eso, espero y nunca nos volvamos a encontrar, adios

Just want to say it’s been nearly 2 years since we broke up and I have never been happier. My life is great. I have awesome friends, I live in an awesome new city, I finished uni and I got a new job. I travelled and I got some new hobbies and I’ve honestly never been better. Sometimes I think about you, and the thought of being with you again makes me feel sick to my stomach. I’m not the same person as I was with you and that makes me feel so good. I like that you don’t really know who I am anymore. Maybe you never actually did.

I know it’s not good to hold on to resentment, but I’m so glad that it’s over and honestly, whilst I wish you the best, it makes me kind of happy that you’re still in the same place that you were two years ago. Maybe now you can see that I was something to cherish. Maybe now you can see that you weren’t better than me. And just so you know, I’ve met so many lovely men who treat me well, despite what you said.

You once said that you couldn’t believe I was the one to break up with you. Can you believe it now? 

Thanks and no thanks for the mems!

Hey M, I want you to read this when you have nothing else on your head and you can sit down, relax and read it without distractions. It’s been almost four months since I’ve lost you and our relationship. It’s arguably been the hardest four months of my life, going from being absolutely broken to slowly rebuilding myself and find the happiness that I had. My heart was so broken, a part of me was gone, a big part; The most beautiful brown eyes to look at and say “I love you”, the softest hands to touch and feel the love, the most dazzling soul to be connected to and feel the calm energy from, the perfection that was there during our sexual moments, all of it, it was just gone.

Throughout these three and a bit months, I have been looking back at myself, what I needed for myself the most, what was most important to me and what I wanted out of life. To be honest with myself, you changed me, and my moral and values for the better. Health has become my number one priority in life, I’ve been going to the gym everyday, I’ve been watching my diet, taking precautions before I eat anything and checking myself in with the doctors every month or two to see how my health is going, and to be frank, I think I’ve been healthier than I have ever been in my life and fuck I’m proud of myself for it, I have gained some muscle ;), feel overall better and choosing healthy food over shitty food without any hesitation.

My other value has been looking out for my future, what I want out of life and what my path would look like, of-course I don’t have the full vision yet and it’s hard to say when I will, whether that’ll be in a month, in a year or 5 years. As you know, I have put a pause on my studies for the last semester of 2023 and will start again for the start of this semester, mainly because I wasn’t in the right headspace to get any Uni work done, and just wanted to focus on work and keeping busy.

I have realised how important travelling is in life. I listened to your advice, I took a trip by myself to Papa New Guinea. It wasn’t long but god it was good. The best way to describe it would be a “whole new life”, looking at the different lifestyle behaviours, trying to learn as many life lessons as possible and taking in the good energy from everyone around me. Finally the food, I don’t even know where to start, they make the craziest food from banana leaves over there, it’s SO GOODD. From Saksak and Mumu to their desserts such as Talautu, the yummiest dessert I’ve had in my life, oh and it had coconuts in it and I still loved it hehe.

The trip made me realise how much you’ve made me realise I love travelling, I’ve gone to one country and I’ve loved it. Now the lifestyle aspect; I want to be the guy in the neighbourhood who all the karens look at while I’m wearing the most expensive suit and say “it’s the guy with the loud cars who makes bank”. I think that sums it up to you ahah. I’m gonna be rich, I’m going to own houses in every state, have millions and enjoy my life while retiring early and I can proudly say that I’ve started taking my steps towards it which feels better than anything. Last but not least, you. I want you in my life, I want every bit of you, I want your energy (the good one) which I know only gets out when you receive good, I’ve learnt that, I want your bad bitch vibes, your happy vibes, your bubbly vibes, your passion vibes, your rambling on about something for an hour vibes, talking about what you find passion in, you crying, your sadness, your love, your body, from your gorgeous little toes to your beautiful face.

I want to start fresh with you. I loved you the most but you taught me to love myself the most so now you’re second. There’s no proving to do so I want to show you the beauties that our relationship has. I want my girl back. I want my goose back. I want xxxxxx xxxxx back. I hope that your yellow heart is still with me. I love you goose.