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Love doesn’t feel like tears
Love doesn’t feel like tears 150 150 Letter To My Ex

Dear You, 

I wish I had left you sooner, I wish I realized how unhealthy our relationship was sooner. I look back now and I can’t believe that I let you put my though so much.  I feel like such a mug, I let you burrow over £2000 and I am never going to see that again when you got triple the amount of money I did. 

I should have left you a long time ago, I should have left you when you thought it was okay to hit me and pull me out of the shower as you thought I was cheating on you but you blamed it on your mental health and I stayed.  I should have left when I couldn’t even go to the pub with my friends anymore because you made me feel so upset about going out. 

I should have left when you refused to get mental health help because you wouldn’t pay £15 a session and just blamed it on the system. i should of left when every time I said nothing was wrong you would start screaming and shouting at me, and following me around and I told you not to do that but you never listen. I begged for you not to shout at me, but you never changed and would cause me to have a panic attack because you would shout at me and follow me around.  I should have left a long time ago, but I was in love with you. 

I should have left when you would say you’re broke yet spent money on useless stuff.  I should have left when you thought it was okay to answer your phone to a girl I was concerned about you talking to during sex. I wish I left sooner, I wish I saved my heart from the pain and left sooner. 

I feel so much happier now that you are gone, I don’t have to worry about what I do or say, I have friends again, I have a life. I just want my money back.

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If it wasn’t for the breakup, I wouldn’t be where I am today
If it wasn’t for the breakup, I wouldn’t be where I am today 150 150 Letter To My Ex

Dear A,

Thank you for breaking my heart. You honestly saved me from hating everything and destroying my life.  I may not remember the last 2 years of my life, but I presume that it was pretty bad if you wouldn’t answer my questions about my past and what happened with our relationship.

Honestly, it was difficult to be unaware of what happened to me in the last 2 years, but I got many of my answers as to why I lost my memories.  I had dissociative amnesia due to PTSD, and it was triggered within the relationship and it was something triggered by my family. The therapist told me that I may never retrieve those memories again because I realized my brother, my sister, and I don’t even remember our own memories from our childhood because of our trauma. It didn’t help that I was on Adderall those 2 years being misdiagnosed so you, everything was more extravagant. Lol.  Life really has a way of doing things, huh?

Anyways, I’m glad it happened because for the first time in my life I didn’t want to kill myself; and that I wanted to live because I now know that I didn’t deserve what happened to me.  I’m not a victim anymore – I’m a survivor from the abuse I took and kept taking from my family, my ex-fiance, and my previous boss.  I thought that those were normal circumstances due to my upbringing.  

I’m so glad I met your family because I learned that it’s ok to cut off family from your life especially if it’s not a healthy relationship; and I’m so glad I cut my family off my life because I would never have felt this happy and content in my life. 

I really lost myself on Adderall and the PTSD.  I guess the person you met, in the beginning, is still here the one who liked cars, the one who’s not a Christian but goes to religious gatherings because I still think what they talk about is fascinating, the one who volunteers when I have the time, and the one who didn’t care if I was rejected or not.  Although, I’m not figure skating anymore (I was in the hospital for a bit due to my back. Lol. It’s a long story, and also where I decided about cutting my parents out of my life.), I don’t care about sex like I used to, and I’m not suicidal anymore but that may be due to being free from my past. I’m still figuring out if I’m an introvert or an extrovert but it seems like I’m more of an introvert now. 

Anyways, I still didn’t get any of my memories back and it wasn’t just from the Adderall but a mix of Adderall mania and dissociative amnesia (I realized my brother had this too since he has no recollection of his childhood due to his trauma too.); and I’ve tried remembering stuff but I can’t. The only thing I remembered recently was when I made cookies for you and your brothers for your birthday in 2019. However, I can’t even remember hanging out with Carolina, Raquel, nor Val.

I know you want to move on, and I honestly just want to know what happened in that year.  My god, I lived with you and I can’t even recall moments of things. I’d just like to ask for just a moment to at least give me some of that and some answers as to who I was, what we did after work or before bed, and just simple things that I can’t recall. I would like to remember the good memories instead of the memories in the end where I was not sure what happened and who I was. I’m sorry that you have to go through this, but I hope you give me a chance to remember what it’s like to be with you – both the good and the bad.

Even if I don’t remember everything that happened between us, the feelings are still there for me. I still miss you and love you even though I don’t understand it.  I hope that you can understand the situation I went through, that you give me a chance to understand what you went through when I was unaware of what was happening to me, and that we can give this another chance. 
Sincerely, 
J

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Dear Star
Dear Star 150 150 Letter To My Ex

Pwede ba magrequest? Gusto ko lang ng konting tulak mula sa taong pinagkakatiwalaan ko, kahit hindi ko nakilala ng personal. Ok lang ba? Pwede mo bang sabihin sa akin na magiging okay ang lahat at kaya ko maayos ang buhay ko, na may tiwala ka sakin na makakaya ko lumabas sa comfort zone ko at maayos ang confidence ko? Dahil natatakot ako, hindi ko alam kung saan nangagaling ang takot na ‘to. Yug idea na mag take responsibility sa sarili kong buhay, nalulula ako. *Sigh

Buong buhay ko naging dependent ako sa iba, kay mama. Hindi ko alam paano at san magsisimula. Ang hina hina ng loob ko. Haaay. 

Sana sa susunod na sulat ko sa’yo, naabot ko na yung Version na ako na gusto kong maging. Pasensya ka na, wala akong kahit sino man na pwedeng mapagsabihan ng lahat ng ito. At sa’yo lang ako komportableng magkwento. Salamat sa pakikinig.

-Jp

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Not anymore
Not anymore 150 150 Letter To My Ex

I’ve moved on. finally. you on’t message me anymore, and since we ended on good terms and are still friends, that hurts. i’m dating a new guy now, after dating her. you helped me through so much. if you’re seeing this, i’m sorry travis

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Dear Ex
Dear Ex 150 150 Letter To My Ex

I have a new great life. i’m passing all my grades but math, and i dislike you. I’ve moved on. You should have not broke up with me. its great, i love my new bf. its almost been a month.

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Dear Chase
Dear Chase 150 150 Letter To My Ex

Dear,ex
I miss you but your no good you left me broken chase i still love you but you moved on and i wish you didnt bc i want you back but im with joshua and im happy and full and he helps me i just want to say sorry for everything i did bc you messed up my life so i messed yours up and i texted your number saying fuck you and a guy named dan texted back so um yeah i hope your happy and well today bc im wirting this for you but you will never find it so i love you.
love your ex

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Not anymore
Not anymore 150 150 Letter To My Ex

I’ve moved on. finally. you don’t message me anymore, and since we ended on good terms and are still friends, that hurts. I’m dating a new guy now, after dating her. You helped me through so much.

If you’re seeing this, i’m sorry Travis

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Seven
Seven 150 150 Letter To My Ex

Hi Seven, 

I hope you are well, I wanted to write to let you know how I am. It’s been a long time since we last saw and spoke to each other, since we parted and I stopped hearing from you. Immediately after you left I finally went back to college and finish my 1st degree and go on to complete a second , something that I had never planned way before meeting you.

I confess writing this stirs me up emotionally. I stopped feeling like running to you to tell you any good thing that happened to me as if you were my life like when I was heartbroken when it ended, but I confess I miss you, the best friend I had in you. I learned that we should have started as friends first and maybe it would have been different. I do subconsciously wonder about you around certain dates through out the year, and then I wonder in those short moments how are you ? and do you ever think of me ?

It’s weird I most of the time I feel like I healed from our partnership but at the same time  I allow myself to miss you or what you represent probably . I once got a scare about a mysterious call , and for days  I thought it was you . Today I am building a beautiful new beginning , my life is on a positive track , and I am open to a new love. I always tell myself that we could not be and its been over for a long time  and that the purpose of meeting expired then.

But you marked my life , that I cannot not change ever no matter how hard I try . I hope that if I did mark yours it was for good, I hope you have matured , and living a positive life as well. I hope that you are happy. And know this,  I have love for you , like real deep. I do feel nervous of ever seeing you , speaking to you but I know I can do it confidently and in an honest way. I feel good about myself. I am making moves , growing into something awesome, but I’ve always been awesome anyway though lol. It’s like you told me once that “I have an undercover beautiful personality ” all it takes is for those real enough like you to see it and recognize it.

You are still the realest to me I will say that , and I know that if your life has changed for the better then today you are the king I knew you were always were that needed to find himself by traveling that road to self- discovery alone . Be safe and well. 

To the Universe : I am ready to love again and finally meet my life partner, tell him I am waiting for him ,  bring him to me. Bless me with self-love , wisdom , clarity , prosperity , strength , light,  confidence, courage and  inner peace. Thank you ! : )

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You completed me
You completed me 150 150 Letter To My Ex

Dear ex, 
I hope you’re doing well. It’s been 40 days since we broke up; 40 days since we last held hands, maybe more since we kissed. I want to let you know that it’s been a difficult but incredible holiday season. 

You completed me, ex. You were my other half, and together we were two peas in a pod, finished each other’s sentences, and loved each other without bounds. I just want you to know that I cherished the time we spent together. How could we have still ended that way when there was so much love between us? I didn’t know it was possible. The love grew more every day, and it continues to grow. 

I’m so happy now. Every day there is a genuine smile on my face, and it’s all thanks to the liberation and growth our breakup encouraged me to embrace. The happier I am without you, the more melancholic our love story becomes. Because I still care for you. I have a new kind-of boyfriend now, or I hope he becomes my boyfriend. He’s sweet and kind and funny and, thank you ex. For encouraging me to pursue a new brighter future for myself. 

I will always, without fail, without doubt, love you. Thank you. You are brave and sweet, sensitive, and not without your flaws. But I hope someone can wholeheartedly embrace those flaws in a way I was never able to, For that I am sorry. But I know someday you’ll view our relationship the same way I do now: filled with equal parts love and pain.  

You are my best friend. I hope you stay safe and happy. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do. And I’m sorry for still trying to control how you perceive me long after we’ve ended, but: please don’t hate me. I still value your acceptance. 

Yours, your best friend.

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To my pretty girl
To my pretty girl 150 150 Letter To My Ex

When I feel myself start to hate you or start to get mad it’s almost like when an infection in your body start and immediately the white blood cells start fighting. My white blood cells are the good memories. I see us at the beach. I see us in our cars, holding hands and blasting music. I see us sucking helium and performing bohemian rhapsody. I see you hitting your hole in one in mini golf. I see your face at lolla with Better Not playing in the background. I see us falling off a jetski. I see you teaching me to go down the bunny slope in Boone. I see us at galantis in Charlotte. I see us at camp being the worlds best and worst camp counselors. I see us in arcades. I see us at great wolf lodge. I see us in my basement playing Mario kart until the morning. I see us almost crashing on the way to Philly. I see us at Zedd, my dream come true. I see us in our airbnb with you yelling do you conquer. I see us looking for two ice cream jugs after I accidentally threw them out of the car instead of a bag of trash. 

I see us in the parlor room. I see us in the triple. I see us in the presidential suite. I see us dressed up as a fake id and a juul pod box. See you as a cop and me as a donut.  I see us as troy bolton and basketball. I see my random videos of you all over my phone like the one where I use your arm as a card holder. I see hashtash se acabo tu fiesta. I see our mixtapes. I see our valentine’s day. I see us indoor skydiving. I see us cooking together. I see every sheetz run we ever had. I see us off meth walking around DC unaware of how hard we would eventually fall in love. I see us in a helicopter. I see us at the dog park with Gus or Lucas. I see us holding Wally. I see us with Santa or the easter bunny and our pups. I see us at waka flocka. I see us at Acme or Banditos high out of our minds and just enjoying each other. I see every breakfast, every brunch, every lunch and every dinner. I see us at sur la table, the best ones there. I see us at busch gardens. I see us dying at Kings Dominion. I see everyone I tried to catch you saying the N word on camera but you never let me, not even for $50. I see us peaking taylor and sending her on a scavenger hunt. I see us bowling. I see us getting our nails done time and time again. I see us at the parade of homes. I see us somewhere in a pool or a hot tub. I see us at the ballet. I see your eyes and how those pupils would get bigger for me every time you looked me in the eye. I see us in the kitchen dancing.

I see our I love you’s. I see how hard it was to let each other go. I see our goodbyes. I see us in Elizabethtown. I see our supercut. And then suddenly, nothing else matters. Not ian, not jew cowboy, not all the breaks and breakups, nothing. When our montage runs in my mind and I see the words we’ve exchanged and I remember how much love and magic flowed through us, nothing else matters. Everything but us ceases to exist. But that’s not right. Maybe the bad did outweigh the good. I wish that I wasn’t blind to all the bad. I wish that I could hate you. I really do. I wish I could be indifferent towards you, I swear I do. You left this mark on me, this just isn’t the same as any other silly little breakup. Maybe that’s foolish of me to believe but I reject that you were meant to be my stranger. I don’t accept that I wasn’t meant to know you forever. So I am choosing to let you go.

I’m choosing to surrender all the passion and all the love that I have for you and for who we used to be. Because I know that that montage that plays in my head hasn’t been us in a long time. I am choosing to believe that if all it takes is time and space, one day you’ll be back in my life and things won’t be so toxic and suffocating anymore. You deserve more than me and it’s been really hard for me to wrap my mind around the idea of you with someone else, obviously. That’s only because I still love you Lilly. But if you’re happier now, then I know that that’s all that matters. Somewhere along the way I lost myself and I turned into a monster. I turned into this rage full, disrespectful, monster who rips up posters and smashes pictures and shows up somewhere uninvited and wants to fight.

Somewhere along the way I forgot that you don’t treat someone you love the way that I have treated you. You don’t manipulate the people you care about. You don’t harass the people you care about. So this will be my final letter to you. Maybe these are things I’ve said countless times before but I will always be here for you. I have no doubt that no matter how many years go by, you will not stop passing by my mind. If you ever need anything from me and I can help, I will. You will never stop being family. I’m sorry for the words that I’ve thrown at you that have caused you any pain. I could never regret you. I could never regret us. I will never forget our little montage. Our memories. You were my teenage dream. As much as it pains me, I know that you weren’t made to love me forever. I’m just honored that I got the time that I did.

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