What I wish I’d told you

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I still love you, but what to do…
I still love you, but what to do… 150 150 Letter To My Ex

Dear DKT,

I miss you, DKT… I really miss you. I miss our togetherness. I want to go back to our past, but I know I can’t. I still remember the way you smile and your eyes… OMG! I still remember it clearly. You were a cheerful and kind man, but now I make you upset. I can’t stand when you cry because I didn’t want to stay, because I choose him. I blame myself for each tear that fell from your eyes. I am really sorry.
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Liar, cheater, heartbreaker
Liar, cheater, heartbreaker 150 150 Letter To My Ex

Where to even begin. Our relationship started out great. Wonderful in fact. I fell hard and fast and completely in love. You were separated from your wife, then when we started dating asked for a divorce. You had a couple of kids with her so I knew it was going to be hard. Not because I don’t love children but because your ex would feel hurt and your children were away in a different state. Due to your job you couldn’t fly to see them whenever you wanted. You said you loved me first. Everything with you was you saying it first. Marriage? Moving in together? All you. I began to believe in your words, because I loved you and who wouldn’t want to marry and live with their loves. Than things began to head south. You and I are drinkers, socially and to relax I love to have a couple. I thought you were normal about it, until one night you get completely trashed and scream and yell at me and say nasty things to me.

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Not enough
Not enough 150 150 Letter To My Ex

Dear ex,

The back of my neck still burns with the sensation of you kissing it the love flowed out of your lips and down my neck, down my spine and up again, into my heart and lungs and brain your wrapped your arms around my waist, your hands resting on my stomach you snuggled your face in my neck and murmured “your stomach is so soft…”

You loved me so much in that moment.

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The torment of your absence
The torment of your absence 150 150 Letter To My Ex

Dear S.,

It’s past midnight and I can’t sleep. I don’t want to sleep because every time I do, I dream of you again and it hurts me to the core. It hurts to wake up and realize that this was just a dream, that none of it was real. I’d like to believe that perhaps our souls really met in the dream but I can never know for sure. It’s this uncertainty that I hate. Not knowing if it’s just my own illusion or if there is more to this life than the physical reality. But the universe knows I’ve missed you. And I will always miss you.. There is no remedy for how much I miss your voice, your touch, your smile, your eyes. No amount of time can take away that longing to see your face, to be able to hug you and tell you how deeply sorry I am. No matter how great the distance is between us, it can never truly break the bond we once shared. There is no cure. You weren’t just a lover, you were also my best friend, my closest spiritual companion, and you will remain in my heart forever.

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Reflections.
Reflections. 150 150 Letter To My Ex

Emily,

Sending you this letter is taking an incredible risk, as what I say here may jade you further against me. However, I have not been forthcoming about where I have been over the past months, and honesty is the only way this is going to work. I do intend to write this seriously but the truth is sometimes best when, as Al Franken once noted, it is tinged with jokes.

I believe, strongly, that we can be friends. Given a forward mindset, a good sense of humor, and a solid sense of self, we can both become  incredible people. My belief in who you could become, after all, was one of the primary reasons I continued to be with you even when I doubted my utmost. I believe you can become the fantastic, assertive, self-defined woman you seek to be. In retrospect, I see that you have always fought to define yourself separate of others. You recognize your own ability to “get lost” in another, a sort of self awareness that is truly rare. God, I sound like Dumbledore. In short, doubt not that my trust or belief in you has changed. You are ultimately someone I will always consider a friend.

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What was I thinking?
What was I thinking? 150 150 Letter To My Ex

G,

There are so many things I wish I could tell you…but contacting you would only open doors I’ve fought so hard to shut. So instead, I’m writing this letter to put it all out there. The things I wish I could ask you and tell you, about me, about yourself and our relationship.

When we met, you made me feel like I was everything you had ever wanted. You filled my head with plans for a life together. A house in the suburbs with a big yard and animals. Babies that would grow into beautiful, musical children. Vacations and family functions and growing old together. You made me feel like you were the person I had waited for all along. I was wrong. So, so wrong. I still can’t believe the way you fooled me.

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To be reborn, you first have to die
To be reborn, you first have to die 150 150 Letter To My Ex

Dear Jeremy,

Do you remember when I asked you if you were over your ex? And you assured me you were and that I wasn’t a rebound? I do. But apparently you forgot somewhere along the line of texting her and telling her I was nothing to you, while telling me that you were in love with me. When I finally confronted you with the text messages I found, while yes it was wrong to look in your phone, you had the audacity to be angry I looked in your phone while your deceit was staring you straight in the face. read more

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Thoughts on why I left
Thoughts on why I left 150 150 Letter To My Ex

Dear Sean,

When I broke up with you, you said it was because I was scared to make myself happy. I think that was part of it.

My fear lay in other places, as well. I was afraid by committing to you longer, I’d a)waste your time by preventing you from finding someone who felt more secure in a relationship with you or b)end up marrying you without being completely sure we could last. I was daunted by my family’s strong feelings against you and was terrified how my doubts multiplied every time I was away from you from an extended period of time. I was getting restless and starting to check out other men. I often voiced my concern to you that I wasn’t sure if you were the last man I’d ever date. That concern was central when I decided to break up with you. My doubts resurfaced when my close high school friend called me on New Year’s, sounding disappointed that I had a boyfriend. I started thinking about other options of men.
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For the words to be sufficient is required a death in the heart…
For the words to be sufficient is required a death in the heart… 150 150 Letter To My Ex

Today I write to you, as I always do, from that place of my heart where lies the light and everything that is true. Today, I come to leave you my head and my heart wrapped up in words … today I come to tell you how I feel, even though I lose myself in the attempt, because there is something in you that moves my universe. I still remember when I met you; I think there were many months before I knew you existed, and suddenly, without knowing how or when, you came to me in that soft and sweet way of yours, without me intending to nor realizing it.
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So content, now that you’re gone
So content, now that you’re gone 150 150 Letter To My Ex

Dear V,

I should have broken up with you a year ago. But better late than never. Thank God you aren’t a part of my life anymore, dragging me down. I am happy and free.

When you lied to me, I should have ended it then. But I was too scared of being without you. When you lied to me so many times after that, you thought they were minor issues, things I didn’t need to know. But I found out. I stayed with you, hoping you would get your life together. I remained honest with you, until the end. Once I stopped being honest with you, it didn’t matter anymore because we were already finished by then.
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