What I wish I’d told you

  • Letter To My Ex
  • No Comments

I only wish the best for you
I only wish the best for you 150 150 Letter To My Ex

So many feelings and thoughts that I’ve wanted to say and I was never able to express to you… I was fine and healed but I guess that was false because every time I hear about you I just go right back to the place I was so desperately trying to get out of. A feeling that I was trying to shake simply because I loved to hard.

I wish I was able to talk to you in person and just spill out every thought in my head that I had about you and what we had. I know that in a sense even if I try to manipulate myself into thinking something different you don’t feel as deep as I do or did at the time. Your actions and behavior towards me and our relationship showed more than words could ever express.

I like to think in a way you did a good thing by breaking up with me and you did it to help both of us but, no matter how bumpy our relationship was at the time I never wanted to not be able to love you anymore. I wish that things would have turned out differently and we would have been able to grow together. All I ever wanted for us was to grow old together and succeed in life.

Sometimes when I think about that fact me and you had two different ways and versions to love I get a sense in the back of my mind that it wasn’t gonna last anyway, I started to see you had a different vision for your life than what I thought. No matter how much you probably hated me nagging and always telling you what to do I only did it because I wanted you to succeed. I wasn’t trying to change you as a person and now I know that I never could, I just wanted you to be set on a different path then the path I saw you going down.

Opposites attract in a way but I guess the universe showed me that I was never really meant to help you. I’m not really sure what the universe had in store for us, but I loved it while it lasted. I know that in a way I was really overbearing a lot at times, but I only ever did the stuff that I did because I loved you so much. I’m taking loving from a distance to heart and I’m changing the way that I love you. Instead of loving you in a way that I would want to have a life with you and children and all that sort of stuff im loving you in a way of wanting you to do something great in your life and being happy that you’re doing something good for yourself.

It hit me hard when I realized that our relationship was changing because you were truly my first love. I tried to distract myself with talking to other people but they never amount you and to the love I had for you. There may never be a “getting back together” even when you do get free and that’s something that I had to learn to live with. In a way you’re helping me out by showing me your true colors and to be Frank if we were to get back together I don’t know if it would ever be the same considering we might have been with other people.

I used to hope and dream of a time we were together again and happy in each other’s company. I loved all the good memories we made and even the bad ones it’s just what made us such a compelling couple. I feel I was drawn to you because you were so different from me though maybe it was because the way I felt genuine love from you when we were together. When you weren’t acting childish I could really tell you were trying sometimes, even if you weren’t you gave me the illusion that you cared.

I hope that your safe and okay wherever you are… I hate saying it but I can’t help but care it’ll take me a while to not care anymore and I hate that fact because I have never gone through this before in any of my past relationships. You were just different, I have so much love for you that even when you were treating me bad, I still wanted to make sure that you’re alright and I was still wondering about your whereabouts and what you were doing.

In the back of my mind, I know that you’re somewhere right now and you’re not thinking about me at all and that’s why I feel really foolish for the way I’m feeling but then again, I knew from the jump when we broke up that you were going to stop caring but to be honest that’s not gonna stop me from wanting to know that you’re doing good in life or wanting to know that you’re ok. I feel like if you weren’t locked up right now, you regardless, wouldn’t be having me as a thought in your mind and honestly it wouldn’t shock me if it was true. Right now I know that your life is going a little rocky because of where you are at the moment and sometimes I feel like it’s kind of my fault because I didn’t try enough to lead you on the right path but I know that I really couldn’t change you and you were going to do what you wanted to do.

I hope that you get to have time to think while you’re not doing anything and you make a plan for yourself when you get out. I will always and forever care about you. You were the best thing that ever happened to me and maybe in our next life we’ll be together again I don’t really know if we’ll be able to find our way back to each other in this life, but I know the universe will make sure that we’re together in the next one.

Read letter
  • Letter To My Ex
  • No Comments

With love
With love 150 150 Letter To My Ex

I saw someone that looked like you. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. Maybe it was the height, the way he had curls that covered his eyes, his outfit, whatever it was it made me think about you. I felt weird for staring and I hope nobody noticed. You would tell me that love wouldn’t able to hold us together, but you were wrong. Ever since I left you, I started finding love in everything and eventually, I started loving myself so immensely. Love is all that matters. You made me feel so good and so happy, you were my star, the brightest star. I loved you in ways I wish you could’ve loved me, I wish you loved yourself enough.

I didn’t think I would ever had to tell you that I was glad I never had your kids, it hurt me so terribly to even say that knowing how much I wanted to watch our children grow as we love them unconditionally, as they enter their little awkward, silly stages, then eventually grow into beautiful adults. That would be so gratifying, pleasant, and so so sweet. I remember when you told me you had a dream about us and a little girl that was by our side. I told you I had a similar dream as well, I didn’t know about your dream until I told you about mine. We’d joke around and say that was our future daughter and that she was gonna be stronger than all her brothers. I’ve always wanted a daughter with you, more than anything. It made me happy. It made my eyes swell up with tears, I loved you so much I couldn’t even grasp it.

I learned overtime that love was supposed to be kind. We were so young, I had so much hope for us. I wanted you to be my first time, I wanted to give you our first child, I wanted to do laundry with you, then fold our clothes together, go grocery shopping, I wanted to cut up fruits for you. I wanted to support you and be your confidant. I hope you get everything you deserve and I truly, truly hope I don’t hear a thing about it.

Read letter
  • Letter To My Ex
  • No Comments

Letting you go
Letting you go 150 150 Letter To My Ex

Dear Juan, 
I wanted to make us work. I hate how you just gave up on us. I hate how you moved on like I meant nothing. We could have worked things but you chose to let me go. I hate that a part of me is always going to love you because when I told you that I loved you I meant it with my whole heart. Watching you move on had to be one of the most hardest things that I had to see because all of the things that we talked about doing together had died the day that you chose her.

I may have had my flaws in the relationship but I would’ve never hurt you the way you hurt me because I keep my word but you didn’t. You told me that you weren’t going to hurt me or leave me but that exactly what you did. There are times that I wish that we can come back together and do things the right way. Where we learn from our mistakes and grow together because we were young and we didn’t know better. I just don’t think that I could see myself with anyone but you.

Juan I could say so much more but I’ll just let you go and love you from a distance. I hope you accomplish all of your goals. Thank you for being part of this chapter of my life. If by some chance you come across another chapter in my book I hope you stay and we get to have our happily ever after.  

It’s time that I let you go. Holding on to the possibility of there being an us in this lifetime is hurting me. I hope that we are happy in other lifetimes together where we are happy and we got to do all of the things that we planned. I wish you well. Goodbye Juan.

– Celeste

Read letter
  • Letter To My Ex
  • No Comments

Thank you for letting me go.
Thank you for letting me go. 150 150 Letter To My Ex

Hey B,
Hope you’re doing well.
I was a fool to ask you to reconsider. I should have let you go the first time you doubted us. Things were going so well before the months apart that I wanted to hold on to to the dream we had. I wanted to hold onto the girl that I fell in love with, but you were right, that girl was no longer you. 

It’s ironic how you felt taken for granted by your friends, but you were unconsciously doing so with me for months on end. Some of the loneliest times that I ever felt in my life was when I’m with you. When I had to plan and celebrate my own birthday next to you, I was just too stupid to see the real you that I am in love with. I don’t blame you for what you did, it was my fault for holding on to a fading ember and not telling you earlier about how exhausted I am.

Ever since you felt out of love, I think you only loved my company and it could have been anyone but it just happened to be me. Love isn’t just a feeling B, it’s shown through actions and work. The little things stopped. You got comfortable and stopped making me feel special. The second half of our relationship was just a white lie, one that I denied until it’s finally over.

And so I thank you for your courage to break up with me. I was trapped in a world of eternal pain that I struggled to put it to words. You’d get annoyed at me for the smallest things, starting fights when we disagreed on trivial matters. You’d get upset when I shared you my feelings. 

Funny enough, the day of the breakup is the day that I see that loving girl in you again. I thank you for letting me down easy, and I appreciate the good times that we had.

I wish life treat you well, that your loving family reunite and that you achieve your purpose in life.
I know that you wanted to be friends, but I think it’s best that our paths never cross again and that I remain dead to you.

Read letter
  • Letter To My Ex
  • No Comments

Let’s Try
Let’s Try 150 150 Letter To My Ex

Hey there Figo, i know i’m supposed to hate you, after so many years I still ask myself, how did you just let go, how did you just move on? was it really never true?
I miss you, I miss us, I wish we could re meet, retry, recreate. I wish we could’ve been the best out there. and now i have to settle with just being, can I be your best friend then? can i be the one you run to like you always have? can i be the one you choose to be around when you’re hurting like you have done with your ex.

Last year 2022 was amazing. you were present you were there and I wanted more of it. you lied and you let me down. and it hurts so fucken much. why why could you not be honest, why cant u come through that door and be like you going with me and we go on adventure for the day we will never forget, i want to spoil you, but i cannot spoil someone who giving other women the benefit still, who is still lying to me. things are different now, and we can be better, or do you like your freedom and the fact of having multiple girls?

Read letter
  • Letter To My Ex
  • No Comments

Can we try?
Can we try? 150 150 Letter To My Ex

You really are something else hey, I sit and wonder did you fake all those years? How is it so easy for you to jump from women to women? Dont you get tired of pleasing different women, and remembering what you lied about and making me out the monster? Is it nice to not have responsibility, not pay for anything,come and go as you please and just be the real you?

I want you to know i have someone, that i have been keeping on the side just like you have, and you do know him, but he is not on social media, he does have a chin beard, and he is not in the streets up and down but he is well known in the streets. He also knows you, he knows what you do and he is watching and listening to the things you say. Maybe this time around you will feel what it’s like to go for the people that so close. JUST LIKE I COULDN’T TRUST YOU, maybe KARMA really is a bitch!

Anyway, he is so humble, caring, funny, and knows exactly how to keep me in my place. he knows how to tell me straight what needs to be heard. You won’t see us together ever, we planning this good. Maybe we will end up together maybe we wont. Bt we have this open good relationship, we tell each other everything, literally, if he has a fetish for another women, he tells me, we chat about it and I let him do it. and boom, life goes on. We have our time, we have alone time, kids time, and friends and family time. His baby moma is amazing, they are very well in tuned about you and well prepared.

This time around you going to get sacked HEAVY! Your shit is going to hit the fan, eventually. And I am sorry, that I will be there and do what you have done all the years, you chose the opposite and chose to humiliate me, well I am going to want to do the same as I want to feel like you I want to be like you.

Things could have been easier, but you made it difficult. I let him read every message, every email every thing from the day we separated so that he fully understands, how hard I fought for you, and you just didnt love me at all. For years you made me out to be the monster, and I was your excuse for very wrong thing. I believed in you, and thought highly of you. And as much I wanted to believe you were telling the truth along came the evidence. I know everything, every bit of it ALL, and just like you do, I needed a man that will stand up and protect and fight for me. HE IS THAT ONE!

I had to let go of the other one he wanted to do wrong things and that’s not me. I had a big heart for you and no matter how many times youd hurt me I’d still take your part. Now you, have showed me colors I’ve never seen. As much I thought the past year was a gain for us, you were there and we were having the best relationship, but you were only using me for knowing whats going on. You have proven to me you cant just be friends or be civil with someone from the opposite sex, and you have proven to me you are able to sleep with women and think or feel nothing for them at all.

YOU are a disgrace for a man. And I wish I never really married you. I really wished you would turn out my prince but you were nothing close. I have no memories to share, or experiences because when you love someone you go out your way for them you havent done anything. NO DATES, NO Sunsets, No me and you time, No flowers, No Gifts, No I love you’s, No standing up this is my women, No holidays, No supper, No date nights, No strolls on the beach, No holding hands, No leading me in prayer, No dancing in the kitchen making food, No massages, No how was your days NOTHING, NOTHING THAT I CAN REMEMBER OR THAT I AM HOLDING ONTO AS A PRECIOUS GIFT THAT YOU BOUGHT ME! and that is sad actually, that there arent even any pics that I can say this is what we had, everything was only all about you, your drives, your work, your hobbies, your sport, etc. 

P.S, please dont do this to the next women, settle down, and I am not jealous, because the person you are now is not who you have been, the sacrifices you make now you could never do for us, so i cant crave what I never had, I just wasnt good enough for you, but someone else is, and i hope you make her feel every ounce of it. 

Sometimes all i wished you could do is come to me hug me tightly and tell me i’m sorry for every pain i caused you, sit with me and watch the sunset and walk away like its the best conversation we both had.

THE END

Read letter
  • Letter To My Ex
  • No Comments

Letter for if we ever reconnect (we won’t)
Letter for if we ever reconnect (we won’t) 150 150 Letter To My Ex

To C, 
It’s been long enough I’ve realized there’ll never be an us again. At first I thought I was at fault but then I saw the mistakes you made. It’s too late to apologize so it’s whatever now. However, with each day that passes by, the more I realize that you were just wasting my time. You knew you could play me, and you did. For a while I blamed myself over everything that went wrong. Today I give up because, whether you choose to come back or not, the feelings I had are gone.

I’m letting go because the best chapter of my life is about to begin. I see you and H and I wonder why you weren’t like that with me but I also feel bad for her, because I can see the end of your relationship before it even happens. You two are both equally horrible, toxic people, which puts you in this weird position where, because you’re equally bad, neither of you can say anything about the other because you’re also like that. You two have something that you didn’t have with me/E/A- a relationship devoid of hatred because you are the same. Yes, you and E were similar, but you were way worse than her when it comes to personality and mindset.

I think you have a good heart and, deep down, just want to be loved, but the C I fought so hard for didn’t show up enough. Once in a blue moon were you the kind, charming, funny teenage boy I fell for. The rest of the time you were a bully, inhumane to those around you to the point where my friends were scared to be around you. Or “hated” you. Quoting H there, if you couldn’t tell. It’s not that I hate her, but that dating you made her hate me. When you inevitably break up, I’ll be there for you. Not her. From the beginning, she snaked her way into our relationship, poisoning it and making it wilt, like a dying flower. I truly think that if she hadn’t been around us during our relationship, we’d still be together. Or at least you two wouldn’t be together. Idk.

At this point I’m just rambling, but this is stuff I’ve been meaning to say for god knows how long. Three weeks, maybe? Here are some things I never told you that happened after we broke up:
I got an ed, idk if I’m better or worse bc I keep relapsing
I got depression
I did your favorite things for the first time- being high isn’t as fun as it looks.
I haven’t listened to fast car even though it’s my favorite song, bc it was our fav song
I cried
I hate seeing you and H and after I do my whole day is ruined
I got into a serious fight with my parents and am currently without any ability to see social media and can’t see how you’ve been; it really sucks
That’s all. There’s not much else I can say to you. I guess I don’t even miss you anymore, I just miss having a relationship.You may not have loved me but I did you and I think that’s enough. I’ve already told you goodbye, but I may text you again once you and H break up. Idk. See you then, CM.

Arrivederci,
Z

Read letter
  • Letter To My Ex
  • No Comments

I wish that you knew
I wish that you knew 150 150 Letter To My Ex

I wish that you knew how I feel about you, first I loved you and then I hated you but now you are truly nothing to me but a series of mistakes and regrets but it’s okay because I’ve learned how to grow from everything you put me through and I realized that I don’t hate you anymore because you’re nothing to me. I’d have to feel something for you to hate you and I feel nothing for you not a drop of love or hate or anger because I am truly and fully done and it feels absolutely amazing.

Every day I can feel myself growing into my life that you don’t deserve to be apart of and sometimes I feel a little angry because I just wonder how you spin the story and lie about me but I always realize that I truly don’t care anymore you can say anything about me to anybody you want and doesn’t matter to me because you no longer have access to my heart and my mind anymore and I don’t care what you think or what you say or what you do.

Like sometimes I think it would be funny if you died but then I think about it and I realize that It doesn’t even matter because you’re dead to me and I’m no longer concerned with you or your wellbeing. I’m not praying for your death but I’m definitely not praying for your health either because honestly you’re a whore and you’re easy and you SHOULD be ashamed of yourself D, you dumped me on my birthday and started fucking the FIRST cute guy that bumped into you and you left me all on my own when my dad died and you left me all alone when my puppy charley died and you left me all alone when my mom got diagnosed with cancer.

You went out of your way to torment me by getting drunk and saying you still love me but then next day when you’re sober you say you want nothing to do with me and you described his 6 pack and big dick knowing that I’m fat with a small dick, all while my dad died and my mom got diagnosed with cancer. You never ONCE took ANYTHING i was going though into consideration it’s ALWAYS been about YOU YOU YOU YOU.

It’s so fucking exhausting that I haven’t talked to you in months and I’m still trying recover from everything you drained and took from me, pieces of my heart and soul I’ll never get back. but I’m done trying to get them back I accept it and am moving past it because it’s NOT my fault. all I ever did was love you, I gave you my MacBook in 2020 when Covid started so you can do online school and spent so much money and honestly I don’t even care anymore. I’m getting bored and annoyed typing this. my girlf is just asleep and I’m bored I wish she would wake up. I adore her she is everything you weren’t and couldn’t be I’m happier. you showed me what a horrible relationship was so I know what to avoid

Read letter
  • Letter To My Ex
  • No Comments

My first
My first 150 150 Letter To My Ex

My first love, you were someone I cherished and adored nearly without conditions. Not because I had to, but rather because it came naturally to me and I couldn’t imagine doing anything else. That’s why I adored you: it was all I wanted to do. It pleased me to make you happy.  I loved you, but you didn’t love me back. For you, it wasn’t easy or natural. You had more in mind than merely making me smile. Quite frankly, that most likely indicates that you simply didn’t connect with it.
and I want you to find your girl. So, goodbye. Thank you so much for the memories, for being my first love, and for showing me that loving someone doesn’t have to be scary but can actually add to my life. Thank you

Read letter
  • Letter To My Ex
  • No Comments

Goodbye, for now
Goodbye, for now 150 150 Letter To My Ex

Tom,
I am not going to lie to you, i thought that writing this was going to be a lot easier than it has been. I think i’ve rewritten this about 3 times now, and probably counting to be honest with you. I think the reason i’m finding it so hard to write is because i know this is my last goodbye to you, not in any other way than simply we will go back to people who just work together at least for the time being that is. Writing this is going against what everyone has told me to do and slightly against my better judgement but i need this. Im doing this for me and not anyone else this time. I need this for closure so i can work with you in a way of me not panicking and not even being able to look at you because thats what freaked me out on Wednesday. I hope it helps you as well but if it doesn’t it’s not on me i’m doing whats best for me for once Tom, i hope it does help because i’ve been told that the reason you called in sick on Tuesday is because of me and i hope its not true but i don’t know anymore if it is i’m sorry. I thought i wouldn’t have anything left to say to you, i mean thats what i’ve said to everyone really until Wednesday. You came in and i didn’t take it well, i’m not saying any of this to make you feel bad but to help you understand why i’m writing this. 

The last 8 months have been a rollercoaster of emotions for the both of us i’m sure. I had once hoped that we would continue to be in each others lives but i know now i know that at least for the time being, maybe in the long run that this is what is best for the both of us. And that this is what we need to grow as separate people. I wouldn’t have mentioned blocking you to anyone and saying that maybe it was for the best if i didn’t believe it in one way or another i guess i just never wanted to admit it to myself that this is what we needed. I am so sorry for the hurt i’ve caused you, i never meant to hurt you in anyway that was never truely my intention. I told you a little while back that i wished you had met me now rather than when you did but i don’t think that is the case anymore. I say this because i though i was genuinely doing better in myself but i think the last couple of months have proved that i’m not, and again i’m not saying this to make you feel guilty because it isn’t truly your fault, but i am going to get better and i’m going to work on myself and i know its going to take time and a hell of a lot of effort but i’m going to do it for myself. I thought that maybe if i changed some of the things i liked about myself as well as some of the things i didn’t then it would stop us from hurting each other but i know it didn’t in the end and that was my fault. Now this isn’t me saying i changed myself for you or for a chance of us working but it was meant to be a bonus of maybe we could work as friends if i changed but i 100% went about it in the wrong way and i know that now. I wish i hadn’t but i did and i cannot take that back.I think in some way deep down i was trying to push you away, because it made it easier for me to move on if you wasn’t in my life but i hurt you and myself in the process of trying to protect myself which is something i deeply regret but i cannot take it back. I can only apologise.

You where the first person i truely loved in a romantic way, yes in the past i’ve had people i’ve dated same as you but you where the first person i loved unconditionally. Not because i felt obliged to but because it was easy, natural and i truly couldn’t see myself loving anyone else. I loved you because loving you was what i wanted to to, and so i did just that i loved you despite of everything. I loved you even when it hurt me because somewhere down the road you stopped loving me and i don’t know whether it was back in may or somewhere along the last 6 months but either way you did but i continued to love you. I just wanted you to be happy and i failed in that, i hurt you more times than i can count and i wish i’d realised sooner that what we have done know was for the best but i didn’t. I think in someways we were never meant to work out or at least not during the time we were together or even now and thats okay sometimes people aren’t meant to be together for no logical reason and they are just there to teach us a lesson on ourselves. And i think thats what we was meant to be to each other because as much as you have hurt me you’ve also in some ways helped me grow and for that i am grateful. And maybe in the future we can both grow enough separately to become friends again but i’m not holding onto that hope anymore because thats just going to cause me more pain and i finally need to let go of it all and you, because that is whats going to be best for us. 

I wish i could tell you i fully regretted everything from the last 6 months but if i did that i would be lying to you. I regret the hurt i’ve caused you of course i do but i don’t regret the memories and the lessons this whole situation has taught me. You genuinely made me happy at one point and i don’t know when it changed but somewhere it did and you started hurting me more than you made me happy. I know we wont talk anymore unless its due to work most likely but thats okay. Somehow the memories we made will never fade, i cant tell you i didn’t wish they would because i do but they will always be there as a remind that i cannot let myself or someone else go through any of this again. I wanted so badly for us being friends to work but i don’t think it ever would have done unless we had both healed completely from everything and that was never going to happen unless we cut contact. I wanted you to be in my life in one way or another because i thought it meant i would never truely lose the good qualities you helped me realise i had about myself and it meant that you would be there to still help me. But i see it now as much as we both tried to help each other we caused the pain we was trying to stop. We cannot be there for each other to help and help ourselves heal from each other. So for now and maybe forever this is goodbye, as much as it hurts it wont eventually and ill be able to look on the good memories with a smile. 

Goodbye, tom. You will always have a spot in my heart that will not go away but this is goodbye. We will go back to people who just work together, and thats okay. I hope you get everything you want and deserve because you only deserve the best, so look after yourself. And put yourself first. You know where to find me if you ever need me, i will forever only be a phone call away.

Read letter
Back to top