Letter To My Ex

I know you hated that name, but you never said anything. To be honest, I still can’t believe that we are over. We have broken up so many times and made up. I have cried over you so much during the past 2.5 years that it is honestly a bit pitiful.

But this one is all on me. I let my ego get the best of me and I pushed you away. I regret that, a lot.

Words can’t describe how I feel about you. We always fought, with you I really didn’t mind. You were always there for me in my best and worst. But the full impact of what happened hit me. I was talking to a guy, he was nice enough and I think he was interested in me. That made me feel guilty. Not guilt, but it felt wrong. I hated that I was talking to a guy that wasn’t you. I felt hollow and sad. Honestly I sound pathetic, but I don’t care.

And I don’t care if you call me a liar, stuck up, because all those names are true, and I am a fool for you. I just wish for a chance to hold you in my arms, to feel your warmth, sink in your scent and then, maybe I can get the closure I am trying so hard to find.

But, I can proudly say I didn’t cry…. and yet somehow that makes it worse because I still love you, more than you can ever imagine, and if I were given another chance, I would do it all again, despite every heartbreak and every shitty thing that happened. Because you were my first true love and you left a mark in me so profound that I will carry it to my grave.

To be honest, my mum was starting to warm up to you a little. She would ask about you time to time and stuff… but I guess the timing wasn’t right? but I wish I could have my shy, sweet guy back. someone who would talk about cuddling with me and taught me stuff at 3am because I had an exam.

Even though we were doing long distance, you broke every superstition I had about love and made me loyal and loving. You changed me for the better and I will forever be grateful for that. I just wish I knew your side of the story, you will always be a part of me, forever.

Dear Brydon, I really don’t know how to start it off but I’ll say by our first kiss – it was in 7th grade in the school bathroom. I remember we used to text each other, telling each other about what time we should meet up in the bathroom every day. I would always be there first, mostly we walked together. I remember in the bathroom you were always shy, you just didn’t wanna say, same as me too. Once we got caught by the camera and I was the only one that got called down. I was so mad that day. I remember when you told me you were nervous to talk to me.

I still remember that day in 6th grade when I was walking with my friends, then I heard my name and it was you. I didn’t know you yet, but you asked for my number it was at the bus after school. You had these cute braids like a lock. Then after that I picked you after knowing your friend also wanted me, because I already fell for you. Then you started talking to my dad and I met your mom (she’s an angel).

I know we were kids, but I really like you ever since you came up to me. Now we’re going to high school. Times flies but when I waited for you for months, to me it only felt like days, because I’m deeply in love with you.

When I saw you the last time in 7th grade, I knew it was going to be the last time I saw you I just didn’t know how to say goodbye to you. When we both moved it had been a year since I last saw you. It’s July 24 12:41am right now but I never would’ve thought you’ll changed like this – I can’t even recognize you. I changed because you did and I hated that, so I just been smoking my emotions away because i wasn’t with you. It’s not your fault, I’m saying I couldn’t talk to you nor cry. I told you about my mom issues and yes we still don’t get along. I wanted a mom like yours, because my mom never came to the graduation. When I got home she wanted to hang with her friends. I sometimes feel lonely because you have a mom who supports you and you are close to.

I remember last summer we got married online which was funny. It was corny, but I was happy when I was with you.