Letter To My Ex

This one goes out to you Sarah,
For making me realize what a shitty friend you are
To never initiate conversations first
To never follow up when you cancel on plans
To never ask about anyone but yourself 

And because I started falling for you, I refused to take off my rose color glasses and held onto false hope that you’d reciprocate the feeling. But all you did was string me along the entire time. The least you could have done was be honest with me when you didn’t want to meet up. Instead it was an excuse after excuse. You did not respect my time or appreciate the little things I did for you. And now I can finally move on – I don’t need someone who doesn’t value or respect me enough to be honest. 

I wish you a miserable life and enjoy spending the rest of your life where you work.

Thetis,

It’s been 35 months since we last talked, and just now I realized that you never actually apologized for all the lies and cheating. Oh, you said sorry plenty of times, but none of those “I’m sorry” were genuine apologies. 

First, it was the condescending, “I’m sorry but I did these hurtful things for your own good.”

Later, it was the manipulator’s classic, “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

Then, “I’m sorry but you have to understand why I felt justified in doing this.”

Afterwards, “I’m sorry but I’m bipolar so it was alright for me to do those things and the true victim here is me.”

And the last apology you gave me was, “I already said sorry so many times, but since it’s never enough for you, I’m saying sorry again.”

Not a single genuine apology. Only a bunch of condescending, defensive phrases that you pretended were apologies. 

You were so taken aback when I said I would never forgive you. But how can I ever give you genuine forgiveness when I never received a genuine apology? Don’t expect me to be the bigger person. I never was, and never pretended to be such, as you did. 

Oh, I still wish for that genuine apology. But it’s been 35 months since we last talked. I’m sure I will never get it. 

And you will never be forgiven. Even if the rest of the world forgives you and you forgive yourself, I won’t. 

Aspen’s Mom

I hope you’re in pain. I hope you are in pain for the longest time. You took away the innocence I held for being comfortable with intimacy. You took my trust and killed it. You make me question every man’s moves. Especially in the bedroom. You refused to make love to me or even speak about it. You agreed to couples counseling (only if I paid). You made me out to be a nymphomaniac in front of our therapist. All the while you were a closeted homosexual and a severe heroin addict. You are a disgusting person. I do not support any of your decisions like most women who have a partner turn gay. I think you’re a piece of shit liar and I hope you rot. You had the best parts of me for 4 years. For 4 years you lied. I could have had a chance at being a normal individual if you just would’ve let me go years ago. I hate you. I hate you for all of this.