Letter To My Ex

You said you need time, so I’m giving you space. Take as much time as you need because no matter what I’ll be here when you’re ready. I believe we share something special and I don’t give up that easily. Those two weeks were the most incredible weeks of my life. I hope you find what you’re looking for.

To: My “ex,”

I wasn’t gonna go there. But you already did. So now it seems that anything is fair game.

Which is the kind of news that makes this girls night.  Because your rude and impersonal attitude gives me just the feeling of justification that I need to write all the things that I hate about you tonight. All the things that are wrong with you. All of the reasons I am glad we broke up and I would be better off without you in my life.

Everyone told her that you were dating out of your league. “He got the better end of the deal” they would said. And she just smiled at their supposed ignorance. But as it turns out she was the ignorant one.

“She’s a keeper,” they said to you.  So what did you do? You threw her away like moldy leftovers stumbled upon in the back of the fridge.

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It’s been over 15 months since you left. After almost 12 years, I completely trusted you with my heart. I took you for granted. Said many things I regret. I never cheated on you. I really loved you and I always will. I didn’t bring our son with me to hurt you. I was so hurt and bewildered that revenge was the last thing on my mind. We both miss you and the girls. I wish we were still a family. Wish you didn’t hate me. Wish I’d done the things back then that I’ve taken care of now. The boy is well. Happy. I’m in remission and back to my old energetic self. You will always be the love of my life. You are the sweetest girl I’ve ever known and I will miss you forever. I wish I could turn the clock back a few years and do everything in my power to make you happy, instead of just blowing things off. God, I wish things were different. I love and miss you and the girls, so does Bubby.

Every other night it seems I dream of you.

The dream changes, but the theme remains quite static.

I let you go, pushed away, and yet it is I who is drifting as a cast away in the tumultuous sea that is the human experience.

Sometimes it is us on our best day, I cherish those dreams.

Mostly, it is me pursuing your heart and trying to find a way, any way, to patch the parts I had broken and sent you away.

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