heartbreak

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I’m deeply sorry.
I’m deeply sorry. 150 150 Letter To My Ex

Jaden, i am really sorry i played with your feelings but i need you to move on and let go of me please

It’s better for the both of us look i really wanted someone to love me when we first started dating i thought it didn’t matter who it was but it did

when i told you the day after that i feel better if we stay friends i noticed that what i did was wrong because if i love someone i should truly love that person not the love the give me

i’m sorry…

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How to feel better after a break-up
How to feel better after a break-up 540 540 Letter To My Ex
feel better after breakup

Someone stomped on your heart and you’re looking for something, anything to restore your world to rights. Well, we can’t promise that right now – but we do have some suggestions for making it through the next moment, and the next, and the next. Here’s how to feel better after a break up.

Sleep. It’s free, a beautiful respite from break-up pain and in those early days, literally the only time you’re not thinking about your shitty life and how miserable you are and how nothing will ever be alright again. During my last break-up I slept about 14 hours a day. I was basically a cat.

Read. My poison was Marian Keyes (Watermelon and Rachel’s Holiday are her break-up bibles and damn funny).

Eat. Remember that burritos are a complete meal (well, as good as it gets when you’re depressed but so damn sick of toast).

Sip. If you ask me, there’s not a lot of things more comforting than sipping a hot, milky cup of tea and dunking a decent biscuit or two into it.

Orgasm. Only IF you feel up to it. Because often after a break-up the Big O can make you sadder because you’re just reminded you of the person you’re trying not to think about.

Drink. I recommend coconut margaritas. But don’t go there alone. Break-up drunkenness should always be a group sport.

Sun. Tempting as it is to stay put in your man cave of misery / boudoir of broken dreams, drag yourself outside once in a while. A little fresh air and some Vitamin D can do amazing things for your mood.

Talk. To a friend or a therapist. Just don’t bottle it up.

Travel. I wrote a whole blog post about all the reasons why post-split travel is so awesome.

Weep. But slap a time limit on the tsunami of emotion; you don’t want to freak out the neighbours. Mine was 5 minutes a day and after a while it got boring crying over someone who’d been the world’s biggest douchebag jerk alive, so I stopped.

Write. Shameless plug on my part, sure, but penning a vengeful or sad letter to someone who’s just stomped on your heart is actually a brilliant way to get all that toxic shit out of your head.

Got a good post-break-up feel-better strategy? Hit up the comments.

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How could you move on so fast?
How could you move on so fast? 150 150 Letter To My Ex

LTME postI cheated on you. Our long distance was too much for me to handle, but you forgave me. Over and over again, you kept telling me we’ll pull through, till I couldn’t take it anymore. I met someone who lived in the same country as me, thought he was the one, well maybe the “other” one. I broke up with you.
I don’t hate it that you got over it so quickly, I hate the fact that you started going out with the one person you said you’d never be with. I don’t know if you did it on purpose, but it hurt me. I guess that’s what you must’ve felt every time I told you I’m going out with someone else.
Now I’m sitting alone, in a cold bed, and you’re with her… Happy.. In love.. How can you be so in love in such a short period of time? You’re already making new dreams with… Her…
I’m truly sorry, I never knew heartache can feel so bad. I hope you forgive me. In time I’ll be able to tell you “I wish you and her all the best”, but not right now.

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Hurt.
Hurt. 150 150 Letter To My Ex

LTME postG,

It’s only been two days since I moved out but it feels like an eternity. You threw two happy years of our love away to be alone, even though you say you still love me. When I left, we hugged and cried and kissed. I still don’t understand. You’re a part of my heart and I miss you. God, I miss you. You say we were becoming too co-dependent. That you needed space to get your life going in the right direction. That missing each other would be a good thing. That you needed that misery and desperation of being alone to force yourself into taking huge steps to further your dreams, to achieve happiness in that regard. That my being there made you content with where you are, complacent to working hard for other things in your life.

You were happy with me, with us… just not with everything else. You blame your inaction and lack of progress on our love, when really it was just you.

Part of me understands. Part of me is furious that you could be so selfish. All of me knows I deserve better than this, but does it matter what I deserve if this is all I want?

You were my first everything. I’m still so in love with you. I dream about you. I think about you constantly. Going from seeing and speaking to someone almost every day for more than two years to not talking at all is bizarre. I keep looking at my phone, expecting a silly text from you or a notification that you posted something on my facebook wall, like we’ve always done. Every time that I see a blank screen is a disappointment that chips away at my already broken heart. Before I left, you said that maybe this was temporary. That we’d talk “really soon.” That maybe in a little while we could “try again.” You’re my best friend. I need you in my life. But I don’t know if I could ever be “just friends” with you. I think I’ll probably always love you.

I wonder if you miss me as much as I miss you. You said you would. You said that you didn’t know what you were going to do without me, just that you needed this at this point in your life. You need to be alone. You don’t want to be in a relationship, to be responsible for making anyone happy but yourself when you’re trying to turn your life around. I can respect that, but I’ve tried to tell you so many times that you simply existing by my side was enough to make me happy. Seeing you happy brought me more happiness than you could ever know.

So, I moved out. Because that’s what you said you need. Because that’s what you think will help bring you to happiness.

I remember all the times you said that this was the best relationship you’ve ever had. That it was so different from all your others, but that it felt more “right” than anything else. We used to talk about a future together. We both wanted to spend the rest of our lives with each other. To move somewhere new, to travel, to enjoy life in our own individual ways, and also in ways together.

So here I am, trying to settle into an apartment that I’ll only be in for just a few short months before I graduate and move away. And as I unpack the boxes of my things, the only question running through my mind is, how could you? How could our love be less of a priority to you now, all of a sudden, when it used to be everything? How could you claim to love me like you say when you knowingly hurt me this badly? How could you not think that it’s worth it to stick it out? How could you not want me, the person you claim to love the most in the world, by your side during such a turbulent time?

You need to learn balance. Maybe I do, too. But not like this.

I hope you find happiness in your solitude. Because all I’m finding are reminders of you, reminders of how broken I feel, of a void that someday might finally close itself, but until then can only ever be filled by you.

Your absence is suffocating me.

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The truth you owe me
The truth you owe me 150 150 Letter To My Ex

LTME postJan,
this letter contains no hatred, no anger and no pain, even though I feel so. Next to the shock and disappointment it is also the lost trust, the very basic of any relationship (between friends, family members,…), and the fact that as a boy who claimed and pretended very well to be an honest, fair and just man, that you lied me the whole time.
Because I can not find another reason. Why would you so heartfully, so truly speak out your love, planned on buying us a vacation, all the words you said in a manner of honesty, all the tears you cried actually even, all this bullshit you convinced me into… threatening that if anything happens to me, you could just easily cut your throat…
Just a week. One week, and from this you “don’t feel anything to me anymore”. Cowardly having me pull it outta you like an actor on a stage, creating silence to give it effect, like in a TV show. Enjoying another part of this performance, like Batman’s Joker pulling another ace out of your sleeve. “Watch me, dear ego of mine, as I finish this marvelous game of a broken heart I’ve been hauled through five years ago by a different girl, watch the dying animal writhe on the floor and cry out all the pain, pleasure yourself – this is what you went through yourself.”
Yes. You fell into deppressions so deep, and I know well becoz I were pulling you out. I lost a good dose of my life energy on saving you becoz I believed that you, a man of manners, of truth, of a great imagination, deserve with your potentials to live. I knew I could never hope you’d love me back, but you told me so. After I watched you raise from the ashes, you fell to my knees crying of guilt and shame, apologizing, showing love.
What happened. That you after a year of this sweet dream and miracle for me you just one week let me get angry on you for showing no interest, no effort in a relationship at all, a week after I believed everything is alright.
And out of all reasons I could better understand, another girl you fell in love with (yeah, we haven’t seen each other for a month), you would stop being interested a long time ago, if I with all my empathy that saved your damn life would sense that it’s not working well, I would be able to reason this to myself.
But your false silence, movie break up lines, the tons of pure BULLSHIT you had me hear.
Oh I hope you scream in silence of your soul and pity your fucking games you played with me. Oh I wish all the glass flowers I ever gave you and you needed will someone poison by the falseness, some cheap girl will whisper you what I was saying with such a sacrifise, and she’ll go just for the advantages of having a boyfriend like you.
You’ll remember me, one day, a girl who silently smiled with your uncertainty in a relationship, a girl who never demanded flowers becoz she knew you’re not for such kind of things, a girl that had you have all the time in the world you needed.

AND HOW DID YOU REPAY ME!!!

Do you have no respect to me? Am I just a towel that you cleaned your dick in after being lifted by the endorphines?

Where is your love. Where are your words of not being able to live without me, where are the long gazing looks. Where are your eyes that looked so, so, so damn truthful.
Like a snake you hypnotized me. Like a filthy cold snake you lied on my chest as if made of the heaviest metal.

I wish the flames of my fire burned you, burned you badly.

I wish you’d stand up as a man and show that you at least behave to me and think of me as of the one, who did what I did, after all what I went through in my own life.

Go drink yourself to death, go smoke out your lungs so you can’t poison anyone else anymore. Somebody so poor to have met you.
And I dare you to ever, ever come closer to anyone I love. My sister. I dare you to take the only dear thing on this world I have left. I will come and I will kill you, if you ever hurt her or use her in any way. We both know I am the one who does things.

I want to get rid of the horrible anger in me that is here. The terrible pain you created, and were succesfully creating over, over and over again.

I want to hurt you. I want to come to you and slap your face. I want to show you that I am no such rag you obviously think I am.

I am what you used to call me. So you can imagine the revenge I want to take on you. You can imagine the torture.

Die. Please, die for me. I don’t want to know that you walk on this world, happy laughing with friends while you fucked me off like this. After all your emotional soul has let me to believe in you.
Christ. You really do bring up the worst in me after throwing away all the good I gave you.
Good job. Psychopath.

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You will never be worthy of me
You will never be worthy of me 150 150 Letter To My Ex

LTME postLooking back, our two year relationship was all really cliché: You were Prom King and I was your Queen, you were captain of the football team and together we built an non-governmental organization together. Our relationship was respected by our teachers, our parents, our friends as it was regarded as mature.
I thought it was pretty mature… It seems stupid now.
I remember that I was overly excited when I first got my rain boots. You saw my smile and my giggles and you led me out of the house and we went for a walk under the drizzle. The walk consisted of you walking by me, pointing at puddles and holding my hand as I jumped in every single one them in my brand new boots.
I remember when I wasn’t feeling well and we would both wrap ourselves in blankets in front of the T.V (with tea of course) and we would just lay there, in “Burrito-mode” for the entire afternoon.
I remember when you used to tickle me just so you could see me smile but also to hear my quirky laugh that amused you so.
We held on strong but times got hard, college applications were being filled and our future remained unspoken. We stressed as we got our acceptances and rejections. You felt the pressure the most and you distanced yourself from me. We started fighting, ugly fights, the kind where the door slams but you stopped coming back a few minutes later to apologize and to tell me you love me.
I think that’s why you slept with her.
I was a reminder of a future that seemed so solid, too solid – one that left no space for exploration and curiosity.
I was a book you had read too many times;I had a bent spine and torn pages.
Her binding was impressive and her cover was luring and you turned her pages, you read and inhaled her words…
All while I sat on the shelf, gathering dust, waiting for you to pick me up again.
I can’t forgive you for keeping it from me. For letting me blindly hold your had as we got to college, ready to build our life together. You broke up with me, five days in, but begged for me back three weeks later.
Even though it took me several months, I was going to let you take me back but then I found out…
I found out that our relationship was not as mature as everyone thought.
I found out, 6 months after it had happened, that you slept with that whore.
You begged for me back, apologizing for your lack of self-control, promising me that you will grow to one day be worthy of me.
M, Baby, you will never be worthy of me.

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I miss you.
I miss you. 150 150 Letter To My Ex

LTME postI wish I would’ve told you how much you meant to me. I wish I would’ve told you how much I loved you. I wish I would’ve told you not to go. I wish I wouldn’t have left. I honestly wish we were still together. I mean, I know its been a month and a half but I still plan my future with you in it, I still fall in love with your smile when I see it. I know you’ve already moved on and I know you probably don’t still want to be with me but I’ll never fully get over you. You were my rock, my love, my best friend, my everything. I hope someday in the future we get ourselves together and can maybe try again. I miss you and I love you, xoxo, goodbye.

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Deep down I know it’s not going to happen
Deep down I know it’s not going to happen 150 150 Letter To My Ex

LTME postB.Y.

I miss you. tons. I wish I can say it back everything I got your message. On the other hand, I know it is the right thing that I don’t say it.

I guess u will recover soon n forget about me. I wish we could hv the same goal and work tgt for the relationship, and be enjoying a normal relationship like every stable couple. But deep down in my heart I know it’s not gonna happen coz

1. You can never be as faithful and loyal as I wish, even when you think you can be at this moment. You regard yourself as young and so why not choose and play before marriage. But you know what, you will never find it satisfying, there’s nothing as “what if the next person is better?”, if you never learn to be satisfied, your hunger and wants will drive you crazy, and in the end, you may met your best other half, but you let it go and you can never get it back.

2. Even me myself don’t believe we cant love each other forever and one day we will be apart. Again, I do not feel that you will be happy to settle down, and eventually one day we will break up again, for the THIRD time, coz you cheat on me, I can’t take it anymore, So what’s the point of experience once more.

3. It was so hurt… Simply picturing what you have done to me, you possible feeling to that Emily and every other woman while I’m giving out my 100%…. It hurts…. Deeply. I can never take this pain away, and never be a fool again

4. Right now you are just feeling lonely and wish for some comfort, what you want might not be me, what drive you is your damage confidence and your guilt, there is nothing about your affection for me. Your promise, are not as valuable as it used to be. My trust to you was gone, and it will only drive me crazy even a little thing.

It’s funny sometimes I imagine you can be somewhere looking at me actually. Yet I hope it won’t happen Coz I don’t really know how to deal with it one day if I see you. I don’t feel like being friends, if that’s the lesson we both have to learn. Pain Will become less as time goes by, but remourse won’t. If you have change, even after this relationship, with or without me eventually, that’s a progress. If I change as well, with or without you eventually, together we become a better person. It’s a progress, and I’m satisfied.

Once again, I miss you, I miss the time we spent together, the way to see the world from your perspective, the world you brought me, the motivation you gave me, and the little moment when you gave me the first bite of every food, your hug, your kiss, the warmth and the feeling of holding your hands. It was a great time if taking out all the suspicion and argument.

Love,
Shanny bo

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Forgiveness is such an easy word, when you aren’t hurt.
Forgiveness is such an easy word, when you aren’t hurt. 150 150 Letter To My Ex

LTME postDear James,

I saw today on POF you uploaded a new picture. I haven’t seen you in five months and you look amazing. Virginia must be doing you right. I hear the weather is nice there compared to West Virgina.

I can’t say I didn’t cry. Because that would be a lie. It hurt to see the person who I loved dearly was doing well without me. I couldn’t comprehend it, I couldn’t handle that you leaving turned out to be the best thing for you.

I waited five months for that call, but it never came. I keep thinking that our love will bring us back together. It will make you forgive me. I wasn’t ready before, but I am ready now. Even though I have dated other guys and I am currently in a relationship, he is not you!

I made sooooo many mistakes but I was young. I was foolish. I was so scared, I wasn’t ready for anything like that. I wish I picked my battles, I wish I didn’t say the things I did. I get what you want nothing to do with me, it’s normal. I deserve it, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less. I loved you and still love you more than I have ever loved anyone else my entire life. I wonder late at night if by any chance you are thinking of me. When you do, do you smile? Or do you feel pain?

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Dear Jon
Dear Jon 150 150 Letter To My Ex

LTME postThe irony still stands. I didn’t want to text you, it didn’t seem appropriate. So this is me. I have some things I need to say. Read this if you want, it just seemed like the best mode of getting things out the open, I’m not even sure I’ll send this.

On Wednesday night, I was thrown out into the cold. I was scared, crying, and alone. I have never been more embarrassed in my entire life. I think I terrified poor Nicole, when I asked her to take care of you. I felt like a girl you had just met and wanted little to deal with. Luckily my brother was in town still, and helped me settle in at Rachel’s. He held my hand while I cried. I was mortified. He called the rugby guys, they drank beer with me and watched the office.I stayed the night. No text from you to ask if I was alright, no problem just throwing me out, no real apologies. Nothing. You didn’t even make sure I got in an uber okay.

To say I was thrown for a loop is the understatement of the century. I thought everything was fine, I waited patiently for you to return from classes, and I was mistaken to think you actually wanted me there. I begged my parents to allow me to come up and stay with you. I was so excited, and you told me you were too.

You had sex with me two days prior. You told me you loved me that morning. You took me out for dinner. You had so many opportunities to end it with me and you chose, quite possibly, the most heartless way possible. It made me question everything about myself and everything I believed to be wholesome and true about you. What could I have possibly done to deserve this?

I was loyal to you in every sense of the word. I constantly worried about you, I held your hand through it all. I edited your papers on request. I planned visits to come see you. I begged for time to FaceTime you and call you and hear your voice. I had to tell you when I was having a rough day, to get a ‘sorry babe’ in response. I doted on you. I told you you are wonderful, gorgeous, brilliant, and talented every second I had. I elevated you so much, so that I in turn could be treated like the garbage I feel like now.

I have watched you change, and not for the better quite honestly. You used to be kind, and quirky, and everything about you I adored. That has been replaced by arrogance, bitterness, and a shallow look at life. You’re obsessed with drinking and drugs. You failed most of your classes last semester because you could not get your head around that writing a paper is more important than going out and getting drunk with your friends. I’m not sure when you’re going to realize it, but just because you go to Northwestern doesn’t mean you’re going to be successful. Plenty of people have failed out, or failed to get into any of the grad school programs. Your GPA matters, more than any frat party ever will.

For the last couple of days, I have been waiting on an apology that will probably never come, knowing you now. I thought I meant something to you, but things change, people change. I’m going to come out of this on top. When I first got home, I reread your retreat letter, horrible mistake, I don’t recommend it. I cried and cried, my parents helped me through it all.

You asked me if we could be friends. Maybe eventually. This shit still really stings. For the record, I would never throw you out into the cold and call you my best friend within the same sentence. So yeah thats it. I feel like I should say go fuck yourself or something. But I still do care about you, and love you honestly.

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