letters to exes

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How could you move on so fast?
How could you move on so fast? 150 150 Letter To My Ex

LTME postI cheated on you. Our long distance was too much for me to handle, but you forgave me. Over and over again, you kept telling me we’ll pull through, till I couldn’t take it anymore. I met someone who lived in the same country as me, thought he was the one, well maybe the “other” one. I broke up with you.
I don’t hate it that you got over it so quickly, I hate the fact that you started going out with the one person you said you’d never be with. I don’t know if you did it on purpose, but it hurt me. I guess that’s what you must’ve felt every time I told you I’m going out with someone else.
Now I’m sitting alone, in a cold bed, and you’re with her… Happy.. In love.. How can you be so in love in such a short period of time? You’re already making new dreams with… Her…
I’m truly sorry, I never knew heartache can feel so bad. I hope you forgive me. In time I’ll be able to tell you “I wish you and her all the best”, but not right now.

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Forgiveness is such an easy word, when you aren’t hurt.
Forgiveness is such an easy word, when you aren’t hurt. 150 150 Letter To My Ex

LTME postDear James,

I saw today on POF you uploaded a new picture. I haven’t seen you in five months and you look amazing. Virginia must be doing you right. I hear the weather is nice there compared to West Virgina.

I can’t say I didn’t cry. Because that would be a lie. It hurt to see the person who I loved dearly was doing well without me. I couldn’t comprehend it, I couldn’t handle that you leaving turned out to be the best thing for you.

I waited five months for that call, but it never came. I keep thinking that our love will bring us back together. It will make you forgive me. I wasn’t ready before, but I am ready now. Even though I have dated other guys and I am currently in a relationship, he is not you!

I made sooooo many mistakes but I was young. I was foolish. I was so scared, I wasn’t ready for anything like that. I wish I picked my battles, I wish I didn’t say the things I did. I get what you want nothing to do with me, it’s normal. I deserve it, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less. I loved you and still love you more than I have ever loved anyone else my entire life. I wonder late at night if by any chance you are thinking of me. When you do, do you smile? Or do you feel pain?

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Dear Jon
Dear Jon 150 150 Letter To My Ex

LTME postThe irony still stands. I didn’t want to text you, it didn’t seem appropriate. So this is me. I have some things I need to say. Read this if you want, it just seemed like the best mode of getting things out the open, I’m not even sure I’ll send this.

On Wednesday night, I was thrown out into the cold. I was scared, crying, and alone. I have never been more embarrassed in my entire life. I think I terrified poor Nicole, when I asked her to take care of you. I felt like a girl you had just met and wanted little to deal with. Luckily my brother was in town still, and helped me settle in at Rachel’s. He held my hand while I cried. I was mortified. He called the rugby guys, they drank beer with me and watched the office.I stayed the night. No text from you to ask if I was alright, no problem just throwing me out, no real apologies. Nothing. You didn’t even make sure I got in an uber okay.

To say I was thrown for a loop is the understatement of the century. I thought everything was fine, I waited patiently for you to return from classes, and I was mistaken to think you actually wanted me there. I begged my parents to allow me to come up and stay with you. I was so excited, and you told me you were too.

You had sex with me two days prior. You told me you loved me that morning. You took me out for dinner. You had so many opportunities to end it with me and you chose, quite possibly, the most heartless way possible. It made me question everything about myself and everything I believed to be wholesome and true about you. What could I have possibly done to deserve this?

I was loyal to you in every sense of the word. I constantly worried about you, I held your hand through it all. I edited your papers on request. I planned visits to come see you. I begged for time to FaceTime you and call you and hear your voice. I had to tell you when I was having a rough day, to get a ‘sorry babe’ in response. I doted on you. I told you you are wonderful, gorgeous, brilliant, and talented every second I had. I elevated you so much, so that I in turn could be treated like the garbage I feel like now.

I have watched you change, and not for the better quite honestly. You used to be kind, and quirky, and everything about you I adored. That has been replaced by arrogance, bitterness, and a shallow look at life. You’re obsessed with drinking and drugs. You failed most of your classes last semester because you could not get your head around that writing a paper is more important than going out and getting drunk with your friends. I’m not sure when you’re going to realize it, but just because you go to Northwestern doesn’t mean you’re going to be successful. Plenty of people have failed out, or failed to get into any of the grad school programs. Your GPA matters, more than any frat party ever will.

For the last couple of days, I have been waiting on an apology that will probably never come, knowing you now. I thought I meant something to you, but things change, people change. I’m going to come out of this on top. When I first got home, I reread your retreat letter, horrible mistake, I don’t recommend it. I cried and cried, my parents helped me through it all.

You asked me if we could be friends. Maybe eventually. This shit still really stings. For the record, I would never throw you out into the cold and call you my best friend within the same sentence. So yeah thats it. I feel like I should say go fuck yourself or something. But I still do care about you, and love you honestly.

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Do you ever?
Do you ever? 150 150 Letter To My Ex

LTME postHey there,

So its been about a year now that you and I have been broken up – its a long time, think. But what I wonder is whether ever, even for a second I sill cross your mind? I know you have someone new, do you already love her, maybe more than you ever loved me?

Do you tell her you’re over me (are you?), do you tell her sex meant nothing with me and everything with her? Or has my name never even crossed your lips since we stopped going out?

You see 5 years together is half a decade it is a long time for people to be in each other’s lives. And then one day to just stop seeing one another. I must say I feel like you took the end of us rather well…having a new girlfriend only a few months later. I know we really sucked at being together the last few months, but angel did you love me? Did you mean the things you said. Do you still love me? Would you drop everything to be with me? Am I your one and only?

And I know I probably sound crazy and I know you are supposed to move on – but I wish you didn’t have to – at least not as quickly.

So sweetheart tell me, do you feeling a connection when you touch her, was everything with me just dull in comparison. Are you having the time of your life – without me?

But darling tell me, honestly do you ever miss my company, do you ever miss holding? Or am I just a distant memory by now?

Cause let me tell you, I can’t stop thinking of you – of us. And missing the way it used to be, missing being your one and only. I bet you call her baby now and I bet you have forgotten all about me.

I hope one day I won’t miss you as much as I do now. I hope one day I will find a love that makes ours look like child’s play. I hope one day I will forget about you.

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How could you?
How could you? 150 150 Letter To My Ex

LTME postDear Sarah Beth,
It’s been six months, yet every day I still wake up hoping you will be in my bed again. I was a fool. After everything we had been through, after two years of love and laughter. After living together and getting even closer than we were before that. I still love you. I wish I could say that I don’t. I wish that my heart would stop hurting like this. You don’t want to talk about any of this and I can’t bring myself to yet. When we have talked you ask how I’m doing. Well the truth is, I don’t know. I don’t know who I am without you. I am figuring out the rest of my life, but I can’t help being reminded of the fact that our dreams and goals together are gone. It was almost two years that we were together. And yes we were young but I know you are the one for me. You were my best friend even before we started dating. I don’t want to give up on those two years of my life. They were the happiest ones that I have ever had. I remember on our way home one night we were tired and having a ridiculous conversation and we came up with our promise. “I will love you to the derivative of the moon and back, forever and always”. I remember realizing as I kissed you goodnight later that I was in love with you. I remember that. But you know what makes me mad? You know what makes it hard to talk to you now when you want to talk again? I’m hurt. You gave up on us. All our dreams, our goals and our memories. What makes me mad is that I am still in love with you and would do anything to reconnect, when you broke our promise. That hurts realizing it. You got mad that I was checking up on you after you broke up with me. I did that because when my birthday rolled around a month after we broke up, you seemed upset that I hadn’t talked to you. I was trying to be your friend Sarah. So when you got mad that I was trying I stopped. I stepped back and left you alone. It hurt like hell to do it, but I love you too much to hurt you more. Then when you messaged me the other day you thought I was mad. It’s not that I was mad Sarah. It’s that I came to the conclusion that I can’t be your friend anymore. At least not now I can’t. I care way too damn much to be just your friend right now. I never said anything to you and I asked your parents to keep it quiet after we broke up, but I was going to propose. September 20th. Our two year mark. I had a plan. I had saved every picture from our happiest memories and put music to them on a flash drive for you to listen to on the way out to the meadow where your grandfather was buried. I was proposing there. I had roses and dinner reservations. I had my night planned. But when you broke up with me, that was over. That’s why I can’t be your friend again right now. I love you way too much and you don’t love me enough. So here’s everything I will never tell you Sarah Beth. I wish I could say it to you but there isn’t any way that I can without hurting one or both of us any more than we already have. I will always love you to the derivative of the moon and back. Always and forever.

Love,
Your Miracle Sweet Potato

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I can’t remember our inside jokes
I can’t remember our inside jokes 150 150 Letter To My Ex

LTME postJ, I’m so sorry for the last conversation we ever had. I was a jerk, you were a massive jerk, and now you won’t talk to me. You were my best friend and I miss you so much. Please talk to me, and I hope your life is going well.

I do wonder what you did with all the other letters I wrote you. I hope you haven’t given up.

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I wish I didn’t, but I understand.
I wish I didn’t, but I understand. 150 150 Letter To My Ex

LTME postMonica,

I understand why you never could tell me what you thought. You’ve been hurt in the past and that made it hard for you to trust. I would have done absolutely anything to make you happy and our dreams come true; all you had to do was talk to me. You never did, even when a simple sentence could have fixed everything. I should have known that it was too good to be true. I know I made mistakes, but I hope you realize that it wasn’t all my fault. Those mistakes could have been easily addressed if you had said something. I asked you all the time what you were thinking and you never said anything. I just wanted you to trust me the way I trusted you. I didn’t deserve the silence, the snapping, or the way you treated me when all I was trying to do was help and make our future better.

Your distrust is shared now. I had someone I loved more than myself lie to me, belittle me, and use me. You threw me away and didn’t care in the least. I’m not sure how I’m going to be able to have another relationship without being terrified of someone else treating me the same way you did. Maybe I was naïve, but now I can’t imagine trusting anyone with my emotions after the way you treated me. I understand why you are distrusting and distant, but now you’ve made me the same way.

I want you to be happy; you deserve that. I used to think that if we both realized where we went wrong and tried again we could have our happily ever after. I’m not sad you left anymore; now I’m just lonely and frustrated that you threw away everything we had in favor of Dakota, who I never should have believed was just your ex or just your friend. It’s just another case of me trusting you too much. Now I just want to forget about you. I learned a lot from everything, but no knowledge is worth the shit I put up with because of you. I can’t wait for the day when someone says your name, his name, your dog’s name, or anything else that currently reminds me of you and I just don’t care. I would give anything to move on and have my faith in people restored. Thank God for alcohol and sleeping pills.

Mark

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Unconfessed sins
Unconfessed sins 150 150 Letter To My Ex

letter to your ex, letter to my ex, letters to exes, ex-boyfriend, ex-girlfriendDan, I wish I could tell you what I have done. I don’t deserve your love. I jolly well know if I were to confess my sins to you, you would not have forgiven me. I was the one who fabricated two Fb accounts and spread rumors about you and your female classmate. I was really jealous of you staying with some female friends.. You being away for three years, having to stay up late to discuss assignments with them.. How could my thoughts or mind be wild? You would never understand the pain of being the person who has always been waiting in a local country while you were the one who studied abroad..

I was also the one who fabricated another account and spread the truth to others, when I found out that you wanted to pay your senior to do assignment for you.. I understand that your final year would or might possibly be the toughest year.. But I would not want you to do that.. Why would you do the righteous thing? You have fought and struggled through 3 tough and honest years of studies without cheating.. Why can’t you do likewise for the 4th year? Sorry for tarnishing your reputation..

Oh well.. You would never know who the real person behind this.. I wish I could admit it.. I really feel guilty having to do all this.. Would you ever forgive me if I were to confess all these to you? Would you still choose to walk this relationship with me despite of what I have done?

Thank you for loving me.. But I’m sorry for not being able to tell you the truth.. I believe you are likewise hiding stuff from me too.. We love each other too deeply to hurt each other… Gosh.. Who are we?

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My only burned bridge
My only burned bridge 150 150 Letter To My Ex

letter to your ex, letter to my ex, letters to exesDear D,

This is the only bridge I’ve ever had to burn in all my life, and it’s been pure hell, and I hate it, and I vehemently resent having to do it!

You and I need never associate again because you are a manipulative, narcissistic fool, lacking any and all capability for depth of feeling, to comprehend or truly empathize with others, and to deal with human beings on a true, loving, intimate level. Yes, I think you do a tremendous job of faking it.

You used me and my children to make yourself feel better about who you are; to look better to your family, friends, and community.

After our first six months together, when you began to behave abrasively, cruelly, contemptuously, abusively, and you realized I would not take your shit, as other women had in your previous relationships, that I stood up for myself, defended myself, preserved my dignity, your true colors became exposed. At that point, you were already done with me. You had no need of me anymore, as the emotional payoff was gone; my regular doses of inflation to your egomaniacal brain had expired, and I no longer served a purpose for you.

As I struggled financially, you had no need for me if I could not provide as you had expected. When we met, and I made a great living; you thought, okay, I’ll never have to support her, and she can contribute toward my interests and house—cha-ching. When that didn’t work out as we planned, everything began to change.

I began to see through you, and boy, did you hate it. You met your match with me, you knew I could “see” the real you, and you didn’t like it one bit. You could dish it out all day with a bullet, but you couldn’t take a lick of your own medicine.

As long as I live, I’ll never be intimidated by a man. I’ll never be controlled or manipulated by any man ever again. You opened my eyes; I can spot a sociopath a mile away now, and for that, I thank you. I am guarded around all men who show interested in me, because of you.

So, by all means, continue to walk about your diminutive pond, you Big Fish; Mr. Popularity, Mr. Nice Guy, with your extremely charming, socially warm façade. No one ever has to know the real you behind closed doors; you and your ego are safe.

I made poor choices to which I have had to own up, and have paid the harsh consequences for those choices, as have my children.

You lied to my heart about who you were, and probably lied to your own, all the while believing your own skewed versions of the truth.

Your family will never understand, and would neither examine, nor believe the truth because they love you. They love you, as they should. They’re beautiful, amazing people whom I dearly miss.

No matter what you say to me, I know you are now very much aware of how I see through your manipulative controlling behaviors. I expect them, though I no longer respond, for you are not worthy of such.

God, I loved you anyway! I actually blamed myself for so much of the insanity I felt from your crazy words and actions, for what went wrong between us, for such a long time. I genuinely began to second guess my every action, my every word, how I mothered my children, my own beliefs, my own decision making skills, even my own self-worth, and doubted my very sanity. I wasn’t crazy at all. I knew it then, but I REALLY know it now.

So, you can keep your criticisms, judgments, and obscenities to yourself from now on, you pathetic, ostentatious miscreant, as I am no longer your captive audience.

In the words of another good witch I know, “You have no power, here. Be gone! Before somebody drops a house on you!” You can kiss my royal ass “goodbye.”

Regards,

(Formerly) Your Better Half

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