Dear “you know who you are”

I don’t even know why I’m writing this… maybe because even after 4 years separated, you still have a hold on my heart. But you broke it, so so badly… you hurt it so so bad. And at best, you just never knew, even with the fighting, the arguing, you just never took account for your actions, your time and the lies.

We have 2 full on but amazing boys together, who are our world. And whilst we share care, we have somehow still managed to bring them up fairly well, with limited upheaval. For that I am grateful and at best, it has shown me you have been able to put someone else first.

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You were one of the smartest men (intellectually) I have ever met, which makes it even crueller the twist of fate that landed you with OCD and it’s difficult neuroses.

Living with you was tough. Looking back I often had butterflies in my tummy trying to soothe you, making sure I didn’t do anything “wrong” (such as bring shoes into your ‘clean’ spaces) to keep your emotions in some sort of equilibrium.

I was only 24 when we were together so children were a long way off for me anyway, but when you said you didn’t want children I remember feeling surprised/shocked and thinking “ahh, he’ll change”. » Read the rest of this entry «