Dear ex,

The back of my neck still burns with the sensation of you kissing it the love flowed out of your lips and down my neck, down my spine and up again, into my heart and lungs and brain your wrapped your arms around my waist, your hands resting on my stomach you snuggled your face in my neck and murmured “your stomach is so soft…”

You loved me so much in that moment.

I should’ve turned around and kissed you like I never kissed you before I think I did but I don’t remember I think I sighed I sigh still when I think about it I sigh because of the intense happiness I felt then and I sigh because I’ll never experience that with you again I sigh because I hope that maybe breathing will make me feel as alive as your kisses did but it doesn’t it never will oxygen doesn’t benefit the dead because you killed me a little afterwards, that very same day shot me through the heart with a little crackle in your brain that told you that you weren’t happy with me anymore the beauty of it all shattered like a mirror I wanted to badly to pick it up and put it back together but I knew I’d cut myself to ribbons if I did my heart would hurt with the pain of rejection not just from the initial dumping but your refusal to try again you always were stubborn I just never thought you’d be stubborn enough to turn me away after 2 years of promises and plans and love.

Two years of learning each others bodies and minds I think I could read your mind that day I read the love in your mind one moment and in the next I read the pain when you decided it wasn’t enough.

I wish it had been,

A