During our time apart, I’ve thought a lot about our relationship from the beginning to the end.  It started out fast.  When I found out that I would be around you daily, I was pretty excited because I remembered meeting you two years ago for that small time frame.  I thought you really cute.  I remember telling one of my friends that same thing right after you left because I found it funny that I had just taught your brother the year before.  I didn’t think I would see you again, and then I got a surprise to start this year.  I thought this is going to be fun because of how easy you were to get along with.  In the back of my mind, I thought maybe we could try something later after you were done with your work.  I didn’t expect us to start dating right away.

After we started, it all moved so fast.  Spending our weekends together, and all of our days together let us get so close.  I could share everything with you because of how comfortable you made me feel.  I could be my dorky self, and not feel self-conscious about what I would say.  That made it easy for me to open up to you.  I could just be me, and I haven’t been allowed to be myself like that in a long time.  You made me look forward to getting up in the morning, and look forward to spending the weekends together.  No matter what we did, I was going to be happy.  I loved being the person you could share yourself with.  I know we all carry baggage, and I never judged your past.  It was done with, and you and I were together.  We could move forward and make our own past, and the past we made was a good one up until the end.

Seeing you with my family at Thanksgiving, and you surprising me Christmas Day combined with the snow back home was a better gift than anything that you could have given me.  All the weekends going to movies, dinners, going to malls, me cooking for you (breakfast, lunch, or dinner)…all of it was great for me.  It made me happy just to make you happy.  How quick it all ended made it feel like it was all a dream.  I know it wasn’t, but it sometimes feels like it.

I know that I wasn’t perfect, but I tried to be the best me that I could be for you.  It sucks knowing now that I wasn’t enough.  I know I will be for someone some day.  The breakup sucked, but what hurt me the most was the fact that you couldn’t and still can’t sit down and tell me anything.  I know I couldn’t do that to you, and that’s why it hurt so much.  I haven’t moved on completely yet, but I’m at a point now where I’ve accepted that we aren’t for each other at this time in our lives.  Will we be in the future?  I don’t know…I wish I did sometimes, but I know life doesn’t work that way.  I can’t change the past.  I can’t fix my mistakes, but the ones that I know I had, I tried my hardest to fix them.  I wish you could have told me something when you had doubts.  I don’t know what scared you, if there was someone else, or what it could have been.  I know that I may never know…I guess closure in this case is going to come from me.

I gave you my heart and you ripped it out and stomped on it.  I don’t regret giving it to you.  When I told you that I loved you, I meant it.   To me, love means giving all of me to you, and that there was no one else for me.  It’s ok though.  I still love the person that you were when we were together.  As for the person you are today, I don’t know how I feel about you…maybe I’ll get to give you that answer one day, but if I don’t, just know I loved you with all of my heart.