Well, it’s been almost three years.
3 years.
Since we had a disagreement and went our separate ways.
That has been the hardest three years of my life, because every single day you have haunted me. Those memories feel like torture.
Remember how you acted like you didn’t care back then? That’s exactly how it is now for me.
You play me and I will take revenge.
I wish you all the best, because let’s face it, you’re definitely going to need it.
1 Comment
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Alias,
When someone has hurt us, that pain doesn’t happen at just that moment. It continues…lingers…even rots and festers. It consumes us and we think about it over and over. Relive it. That is what I am living through right now. Except I was on the other end of it and inflicted that pain on someone us.
Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and change it. Did something different. I truly care about him and hurt him so deeply it pains me. I have created memories that tortured him then and haunts him now. And if he wanted revenge, I would say I deserve it. He was only the best person he could be, innocent and kind, helpful even, but I hurt him and caused him much pain and suffering.
But the one that has caused the pain is also hurting, too. I was thinking about the genocide in Rwanda, in the past. The brutality and violence between the Tutsis and the Hutus escalated to countless deaths, injustices and pain and suffering of horrific proportions.
One writer, a woman named Ilibagiza talks about the power of expressive writing and forgiveness. Her parents were killed and she faced the prisoner that caused that pain and suffering. But despite her pain and anger, she learns to be the adjective, “forgiving”. That aptly described her. For…give…she did “give” her pain and anger away, even “for” that guilty prisoner. Ilibagiza gives up, letting go of resentment, but hangs on to a healing and closure in return. Letting go meant hanging on…to herself…her identity. Yes, she had a right to be angry. Her parents were killed. Revenge would seem sweet. But what would that solve? She would become the very thing she detested…uncontrolled murderous killers.
Your letter was very touching and I know the person I hurt deserves to be treated so much better, like you do. You cared for someone so deeply and she (or he) hurt you. You grieved, and grieving is a transition to another level. I hope the best for you, that you will find peace and a healing over time.
All the Best,
College Student
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