Dear B,

The two years I waited for you on your mission were the hardest two years of my life. I prayed every day for the strength to make it through the next. I prayed for you. I can’t believe it’s been almost four years since we met. You were my first love and I was yours so how did we screw this up? Why can’t you see how much I love you? Why did you always demand more more more never and give nothing?? How could you take advantage of me the way that you did? How are you so selfish and immature and vain? You’re such a robot! I feel angry at myself for letting you have so much control over my heart. I don’t want to love you anymore.

After everything you’ve put me through how do I feel this way still? The hardest part is I don’t want to be with you. . . . but picturing you marrying someone else strikes pains through my heart. I have always been way out of your league.Yes, you were right about my parents not liking you. I didn’t want to you know. They only don’t like you because you treated me so poorly. In fact, none of my family or friends like you very much. Some of your own friends don’t even like you very much. I told you the guys I dated while you were gone didn’t mean anything to me because you were so sad. That wasn’t true. I dated a guy named Brian…he was the sweetest guy I’ve ever met. He’s married now but he meant a lot to me and still means something. He helped me survive.

I am sorry I didn’t make you feel special. I was too hurt after you stopped writing me to ever recover. I hope the next girl you really care about, you’ll call her. Find some balls to CALL. HER. Tell her she’s beautiful every single day and then mean it. Make her your first priority. Find help with your addiction. Worry less about being right and more about making her feel good. Stop being the victim in life and man up, seriously. Humble yourself a little. Stop being a self-righteous hippocrit. Get out of the world of texting – that is so high school. How did I ever let myself be treated so horribly? I am mad at myself for allowing it.

Why didn’t you ever dance with me or tell me I’m pretty or take me on dates or try and make me feel special? Not even fancy dates, but adventures. We never had adventures together. We were never silly together. Next time I’m going to have adventures. I don’t trust you anymore. I know about your addiction but I know bringing it up would hurt you. I have been seeing the good in our breakup but now I’m trying to feel it too. I knew there would be problems if we stayed together. I am healing but I will never lose my love for you completely. If I did then it would’ve never been love in the first place. You will always have a place in my heart. Love, R