So, I won’t go back too far. But since last October, we haven’t been together. I thought the relationship with our friend would bring us closer but it just made things worse. You act like you hate me if I even mention how I feel. You say because of other things you’re going thru that’s why you are acting this way towards me. But to be honest you have been like this since NYC. I don’t know what happened. We had a deal and now all you want to do is push me away when you don’t want to be bothered and call whenever you need something.

And to be honest that’s my fault because I’ve been trying to be your friend. I’ve been trying to be like your best friend hoping you would see me differently but all I am in your mind is your ex. Up until about a month ago I was more. I wasn’t your gf or your woman but I was definitely more. Now, idk what I am and you can’t or won’t tell me. You don’t get it…you came into my life when I had given up on love in its entirety. And part of me wonders was it a tool of the devil to distract me because it went south very very fast.

You have no idea how in love with you I am or you just don’t care. I sympathize with your situation and that there are things currently that you need to do as a man. But I feel like if you really wanted to work things out the way you were saying for months, you would do them now. You talked about marriage but you’re not. You can’t just do that to a person. Get their hopes up and then snatch them away whenever the mood strikes you or you are having a bad day. I would have never done this to you. I have poured out my heart on countless occasions and you don’t even notice what you have done to me. I sometimes feel like you are worse to me then some of the people from my past.

Only because you knowingly did things that you knew would hurt me. I’ve tried to let you go. God knows I have but you don’t even know the battle it has been. Do you even care?? I sit up at night with the thought that you don’t love anymore. And die inside more and more because I’m the only one still hoping and praying for this. Still willing to work towards it because its what I want. And you could care less. As usual. Nothing but tears in my pillow every night because I’m still in love with a man who isn’t sure if he still loves me.