Christmas and New Year came and went without you for the first time in 5 years Selina and here I am writing my thoughts on some random website at all hours. I still think about you every day when I wake, while it’s sunny, when it gets dark. I dream about you every few nights and hold onto you like I used to, it feels very real and fills me with sadness and happiness in equal amounts when I wake up.

I struggle with depression and guilt daily but slowly it’s getting easier to shake off. You made a big impact on me, I am still very much in love in some silly way that I can’t act on, I can only hold it in and try to keep it buried. I wonder if we will ever speak again, I still miss you like I did when it ended. I still remember what it felt like to hug you tight and know all too well how far away that feeling really is. I want to tell myself you deserve to be happy without me but I hope someday you’ll think of me and forgive me for being a sub standard boyfriend and a really crappy friend.

Not knowing what you think if me is torture made harder knowing that I burn for you and want to hold you again. Selfish I know but I feel what I feel. Not sure if I know what it is anymore but I love you Selina, I’ve seen my flaws through a magnifying glass this past year, if only I’d looked sooner and become a better man for you we would probably still be holding each other today. See you in my dreams dear, miss your hand in mine, miss your gaze, miss you all over xoxo