My once dear Chelsea,

Six years. That is how long we spent on each other, and what is it all worth now? I recall memories, both good and bad, of all the time we spent on each other. It amazes me still today that I haven’t spoken to you in a couple years, considering how not a day goes by you don’t cross my mind.

Then reality hits.

You’re married now, and I have been in a committed relationship for some time too, but you still cross my mind almost every day. I could only imagine the same question goes for you as well.

My brain says it is because we spent six years of our lives focused on each other, even if we weren’t physically next to each other for some of it. It remembers the late nights of texting and instant messaging, the dances and dates, and all the other random things we did that are now only dreams.

My heart tells me it was because we were each other’s firsts in many aspects of our lives. We had to figure out what we wanted, and unfortunately we had to use each other to figure that out instead of others.

Even after our time physically apart, your jealousy and my immaturity in the end were our downfall. These two both grew too large and clouded the things we loved that were too many to list.

Now, I have grown. I’ve seen the error of my ways; the immaturity of my youth. But jealousy I feel is something that is not simply grown out of. The guy you now have must be equally as jealous in order for your relationship to even exist. I hope I am wrong and that you both trust each other completely.

In fact, I wish you well. We both cared about each other a lot. There is a part of me that still does, but in a different way than before. I look at you and see my past; potential paths that we could have taken.

Ironically, one of the most important moments in our relationship was when the girl I am with now came into the picture. In my opinion, she came at the perfect time. She didn’t have anything to do with the downfall of us, but she was there for me when I needed someone most.

Now, I shudder at the thought of never knowing her how I do today. I hope that you feel the same way about the man you are with.

Even though you had a hold on my heart for many years and still hold a special place there, it can’t even compare to the way the girl that took your place makes me feel today.

If I see you around in our hometown, you may be lucky enough to get a friendly smile and wave, but that is it. You are a chapter of my life that is now over, but enjoyable from time to time to read.

-N