I recently had a disagreement with a new friend, someone I’ve known for only a few months.  I was really impressed with the way they resolved it, because it showed that I was important to them and someone worth fighting for.  I am so thankful that my friendship can continue to grow with this person, but the interaction touched on bittersweet emotions still lingering from us.

Last year, I needed time alone to figure things out and heal from the end of our relationship. I was hurt by your lies and knowing that you shared the truth with others, but not me.  When I proposed the challenge to earn my trust and friendship back, I wanted you to do what was missing in our relationship- to initiate a difficult conversation, be honest, and fight for something that was important to you.

I appreciate your text message in the fall and two emails over the holidays—but let’s face it— those methods are not the best for resolving sensitive issues. Why didn’t you call and express your feelings? All I wanted was for you to listen to my pain and say “What do I need to do to make this better?” Why didn’t you show up at my home and say, “I’m not leaving until we work this out. Your friendship is important to me.” When people care about something they fight for it.

In my December email I made myself vulnerable by being honest and exposing my emotions and pain to you. I know I said “It’s probably best if you don’t contact me” but that was because I was hurting so badly. I was obviously really depressed and needed a friend. Why did you give up so easily? Why weren’t you there for me?

I didn’t give up on you when we were going through the break up and you were confused and depressed. I tried to be a good friend, listen to your pain and propose solutions to help you as a person- even though I knew it would leave me heartbroken and alone.

When you were in a better place, I didn’t feel that you reciprocated and supported me in return. I am still disappointed and saddened by how easily you gave up and moved on. For the 8 years we were together, and the truths shared between us, I’m still hurt that you couldn’t confide in me.  You were my best friend!  We never had a real discussion about what went wrong in the relationship, nor did we give each other a chance to fix it. I have no idea what I did to make you love me less. Everyday I struggle:  “I must be monster if you were unable to tell me the truth and none of our mutual friends talk to me anymore. I’m unlovable.”

If my friendship was important to you, these are the things I would have liked to talk about and resolve.