Dear E,

It’s been 1 year 1 month and 11 days since we broke up. Through all those time, I always miss you.

During our long distance relationship, we struggled for our love. I still remember every detail how we arrange a plan to visit each other, as natural as possible so parent won’t suspicious. I still remember the burst of happiness when we finally can meet, the fallen tears when time is over, we have to say goodbye and never know when we will be able to meet again.

I had no intention to hurt you or betray you. At first, it was an excitement of meeting someone new. Then, you got jealous, we had fights over and over again. Between our fight, my old concern started to rise again. A fact that we are not meant to be together in this life. Fate has brought both of us as same. Our relationship will never work. Delaying the break up will just hurt us more and more and more. If we can fix our relationship this time, same problem will arise again in the future. And you’ll hurt again.

Besides that, there’s no guarantee that our secret will never revealed. I was very afraid that someday parents or family will know that we’re more than just friend.

Then, suddenly, I made a decision. We had to break up for our sake. The longer we hold on, the more severe our wound, and longer time to heal.

On that day, May 26th, 18 months and 1 day after I said yes…. we broke up.

I knew that you wanted to keep our relationship on…so did I. But I can’t see you being hurt anymore.

And me, I can’t bear the feeling of lose the people whom I love the most…so, I tried to open my heart for him. He’s nice guy. Besides, I think my parent would be happy to see their daughter finally has a BF after more than 20 years.

You hate me because you think that I am happy on your suffer, you hate me because you think everything between us was fake. I might seem happy with my life now, but I never as happy as I were.

Sorry I betrayed you. I never meant to. Sorry I hurt you, but trust me, you’re not the only one who hurt. You once filled my heart with warmth and love. Now, your hatred rob all of those warmth and love, leave a big empty hole inside my heart.

I miss you, I long for you every morning, every night..I miss your hugs, kisses, voice, warm hand…I miss everything about you.

I just wish you know that I always love you, sincerely…from the first time we met until now. Though I’m with someone else now, though my heart is filled with someone else now, there always a room in my heart for you.

May fate brings us together in our next life…

I love you.