Dear Machiko,

Last week was your birthday. I hope it was a lot of fun! I am writing to you because I want to wish you happiness and I want you to feel free. I saw your twitter cover page and saw that you still feel pain about you and me.

I am truly sorry for how I kept e-mailing and calling after our break-up. I felt a lot of pain at that time because I loved you and wanted to share a beautiful future with you. Also I always missed waking up in the morning and seeing you lying next to me. I missed taking the subway across the city to meet you at the butcher shop (Haha! The butcher and the vegetarian), I missed holding your hand and walking down the street, I missed going to cool restaurants and drinking beer with you, I missed the way your lips felt when we kissed. You were the most beautiful girl in the world to me and I couldn’t get you out of my mind. I guess that was the problem. To tell the truth, I still love you very much and I think that, deep in my heart, I always will. Ever since that day I kissed you for the last time in Toronto Airport, I have thought about you at least one time everyday. This is true, but I feel total peace in my heart these days.

Why? I want to tell you a dream I had about one year and a half ago. The dream was clear and real. In my dream, you came into my room and sat on my bed and you were crying. You told me that you still loved me but you couldn’t come back to Canada because you did not have confidence in your English skill or to start a new life here. You kept saying “honto ni gomennasai” over and over again. Then you kissed me and walked out of the room. When I woke up, I felt like I understood your pain and I promised myself that I would never hurt you again. This is the best way I know to show you my love.

I am so sorry for the anger and bad feelings that came after we broke up. If I had a time machine, I would go back and do so many things differently. I am sometimes sad that I can’t talk to you anymore but I hope you have found someone special who is showing you love. I wish you so much happiness in your life. I also hope you can forget my behaviour after our break-up and remember the happy times we had together in Toronto with a smile.

Happy Birthday and deepest love,

J