Dear Kayla Marie,

This is a letter I’ve been thinking about writing for a few months now and it’s certainly the hardest thing I’ve ever had to write.

From the very first day we met in class a few years ago I began to fall in love with you. When I found out you had a boyfriend, I did the only thing I’ve known how to do when it comes to women in my life…wait. By waiting, I got to learn so much about you. We didn’t rush into anything, we didn’t have a mistake one night and we didn’t do anything but continue to see our friendship grow. From the beginnings of bonding over Green Day, you were the “Green Day Girl” that everyone said I would meet one day.  I was absolutely head over heels for you, but continued to wait.

Our timing never came to fruition. I moved out of Kent and began my big-kid life. Not long afterwards you messaged me to let me know that you missed me. You made a point to see me when I returned to Kent one weekend for some drinks. You made a point to be all over me in front of your boyfriend. You made a point to text me later that night and tell me you, “Had liked me for years and didn’t know what to do about it.”

I’ll never forget that phone call we had the next day where I confessed how much I liked you. You see this wasn’t some sort of fling or false love on my part. This was a friendship that had been bubbling towards this exact moment for several years now. I didn’t anticipate that bubble would burst so shortly after we started seeing each other.

All the things you put me through, all the pain I had to see you go through…things I’ll never be able to erase from my memory. You thanked me so much for my patience and assured me I was one of the greatest guys you’ve ever been with.

You took my virginity and you made me the man I am today. I’ll never forget you. I’ll never forget how we used to lie together in bed and just stare into each others eyes. You said you loved that we could do that. I’ll never forget how you would reach over and pull me in tighter at night. There are so many things I’ll never forget about you, Kayla Marie.

The one thing I’ll always remember is when things were coming to an end and the tears were falling down my face. You put my head in your hands and said you could see a future with me. In my moment of despair, when my mind was fully aware that things were over, you threw one last piece of bait and my heart gobbled it up.

When you left me, it was the darkest time of my life. Living out every day remembering all the wonderful things you said to me and having to go on knowing I couldn’t see you. It was hell. It was torture. How you could so quickly disregard our friendship continues to blow my mind.

I’m writing to tell you that I miss you so much. I’ll never understand why things had to end with us. The boy you left me for isn’t even the boy you are with now and I think that’s what hurts the most.

I’ll always love you, Kayla Marie. You are someone I’ll always look back on and smile. I’ll continue counting down the days until maybe we can run into each other again. Share a few laughs. Tell each other about our lives. Maybe it will be a few months, years, decades, who knows? If it happens in our 80s and I have to wheel my body over to your rocking chair and kiss your wrinkled hand with my dry, crusty lips then so be it. Because this love I have for you is undying. I can’t put out the flames that you lit in my soul. I can’t get you out of my dreams and I can’t stay in the state I’m currently in.

I’m trying to move on because you so clearly have. People tell you that they “love you to the moon and back.” Well, I don’t think the moon is far enough for how much I love you. I love you to where we can’t even fathom life exists. I love you to where the stars haven’t even been discovered yet. I love you to the ends of the galaxy.

There is one constellation in my head and you are the brightest star that lights up the darkness in my head. There will come a day when you realize it’s me you’ve always wanted. And when that day comes, I hope I haven’t fallen for someone else. I can’t imagine falling for anyone else, but you. But, I can’t imagine living my life without you and yet here we are. I’ll leave you with this poem, Kayla Marie.  Rage and Love from the bottom of my heart to your wild one.

I wish I could pick you up for a drive in my car

I don’t care where we go, as long as it’s far

The whole ride there hearing you sing

Your beautiful voice taking me away on your wings

You will always be the most beautiful woman to me

A chance for our love to start over free

Take care, Kayla Marie

Prettiest girl I’ve ever seen