I have no form of hatred for you and I don’t know if I should say there is or was love.

It is much surprising to me that not once I ever thought about us rekindling, I guess not yet.

I knew there wasn’t any passion in our relationship from the beginning because it was one that just happened and I sense from both of us part there wasn’t any strong feelings. It was mostly an amiable relationship.

I knew you are a lazy lover and being a lazy lover you made no effort whatsoever in our relationship. You just sat there being quiet and not paying any attention to the relationship.

In the beginning of our almost two year relationship;I shared my feelings to you. However you walked over it and I have learned to become emotionally detached. I disregard any feelings about you to the back of my cerebrum and it worked. I made compromises for you when you would sit and talk to others on your electronics and I wonder what do you find so interesting on those devices that you could just ignored me like that. I realised that I was never your number priority. Your priority is the conversation that you have on your electronics. I tried to be positive about it. I tried not to let those things get to me. However, I wish you would understand that some people required attention as well. They may not place that much emphasis on it but you should realised that water does not run through people veins but blood. I can’t fully blame you though because I wasn’t as straightforward as I ought to be and I was just as selfish in the sense that I didn’t share some truth about my feelings towards you. I felt guilty and I felt that I was being unfair and I felt as if my insecurities were getting the best of me. I just didn’t want to be judged especially when I know that I can be negative and harsh at times. I didn’t want you to know my wrath. However another part of me brushed that aside.

Between me and you these feelings didn’t have that much weight because I am mature enough to know that all relationship have its little glitches. It might be communication glitches, it might be fear, it might be shyness or over thinking that leads to confusion.

Besides that our time together at your place was eventful because of our intimate love life. I know it is late now but I really wish that you would have taken the timeout to get to know me. I wish you would have taken the timeout to take me to your hometown and I did hint at it and I wish when I asked you if you want to come to my hometown that you didn’t say that you weren’t into that foolishness. I wish that you were actually thoughtful and I wish you would have at least have some form of empathy living inside of you.

I made it clear that I wasn’t financially stable and you being in the better position should have considered that. It is based on this notion that I would rather asked outsiders for a quick cash and didn’t even considered you because I don’t want to dump my problems on someone who wasn’t willing to connect with me.  I told you that I wanted money to purchase phone and instead of considering me, you’ve considered another friend. I never really had a boyfriend.. I don’t know what I had. You were my companion. You told me that you thought we were wasting time because we really didn’t know anything about each other and when I tried to know you and your world you closed me off. I guess I wasn’t good enough to know about your family. I guess I wasn’t good enough for you.  You thought that I was living in a fantasy world but honestly when I realised that I wasn’t on your mind.. I have occupied it with something else. I am glad that I am not the type that chases men. I don’t know what happened in the last 8 mths towards our relationship because I knew before that we were each other muse. We usually talked about anything. I sometimes wonder if it was bbm that kept our relationship going because when I’ve lost access to that, our relationship was more downhill. I don’t know if I came off as shady,slight or a ginal and I  don’t know if distance also played a role and I don’t know if you loved me. (even though I wasn’t looking for love)

I haven’t shed a tear for you and that’s a sad reality. I don’t want to be a bitter person but we all have our time.You said you had mixed emotions towards me and that is understandable because I am just as difficult as you are. The positive thing is that we were more of a friend than lovers and we tend to don’t  make a big deal of things… However I wish you well. Someone said that maybe you and I aren’t really over however we will see how that goes.