Dear Simon,

I don’t even know where to start. Maybe I should start from the beginning – December 2012, this holiday changed my life forever because it was when I met the love of my life. I remember we had talked a few times over the phone and yet we had never met, well until we found ourselves in the same small town.

I remember that day so clearly, it was the day you decided to send me a message because you remembered me saying I was also going to the sea for the holidays, so you sent me a message asking if we could meet up. All I remember is my sleepy eyes reading each word on the screen and then jumping up to quickly get dressed and to come and meet you on the beach.

I had no idea that in 10 minutes my life would change forever, as I arrived at the beach i walked on to the sand and saw this tall, blonde and blue eyed boy standing in front of me, you looked so. Handsome in that moment. I expected things to be a bit awkward since it was the first time I’d met you but it wasn’t at all.

As we walked along the beach that day I got to know you. In the short space of time I learned your fears, dreams and mistakes and yet I still found myself wanting to know more but our time together was ending and I had to go home soon.

About 20 minutes after leaving you, you sent me a message and I remember it almost too clearly you wrote, ” Hey Paige, it was really great meeting you today. Too bad I can’t see you again as I’m on my way to the airport now but I just had to tell you this… I know I just met you and have so much more to learn about you but I think I’m in love with you. Actually no, I AM inlove with you. Please can I see you when you back in the city?”

When I got the message my heart literally stopped and before I knew it we were dating and when I looked again it was 6 months together, then 8, then 10 but that’s when things went wrong.

When we hit the 10 month mark things weren’t like they used to be, I didn’t know what I wanted anymore. I didn’t know if I wanted to end it or stay with you. It was breaking my heart and I knew it wasn’t fair on you.

So when we hit the 11 month mark I decided to end things, I made the worst mistake of my life. I let you go. I let you get away but then things got worse because you started to hate me. You looked at me like I never meant anything to you and for that I wanted to get back at you so badly. I wanted to make you feel as worthless as you made me feel.

That’s when things got really bad. That’s when I kissed your best friend, that’s when I humilated you. That’s when I destoryed how you looked at me and the love we used to have.

That’s when I realised I’d never get you back. But I tried so hard, sent you messages, emails, letters, called, ask our friends about you but I got nothing. You were gone. I’d ruined the best thing to happen to me.

I ruined our almost perfect love story. I ruined myself. You know, while I was writing this letter I wanted to show people who would read this how horrible you were to me in the end. But it all happened because of me.

I’m the one who let things get like this. I’m the one who made you hate me. It was all me. All of it. I screwed up and I will never forget you, well at least it seems that way because here I am 2 years later writing a letter about you and I guess for you. You have moved on and probably don’t even think about me anymore.

I know you will probably ever see this but Simon is by some Small chance you do… I just wanted to say I’m sorry, so everything. But I’ll never be sorry for coming to the beach that day. I will never be sorry for how deeply and truly I loved you. I’m not sorry for meeting you. I’m not sorry that you were my first. I’m not sorry for having the love story we had even though it broke me because I got to see how great it is to love and be loved in return.

Love Paige

Xxx