Your numerous text messages made me realize maybe, just maybe, you miss me and have some stuff you need to get off your mind. Fair enuf. It got me thinking…. I too have some stuff to get off my mind:

 YOU are a fraud. Your site picture must be about 15 yrs old. You look NOTHING, absolutely nothing, like your profile picture. The first time I saw the real you, I screamed in my head. I was thinking “WHO in the f*ck is that?”

 FIX your f*cking toenails. So nasty. Dry heaving just thinking about them diggers.

 FIX your teeth. At least the ones you’ve got left. Nasty.

 FIX your eczema… It’s really fucking gross when your skin is flaking off onto someones floor and they have to vacuum every day. Gross.

 SHAVE your head already. Your hair-sprayed-comb-over concoction is fooling no one. Or, you could just keep on wearing them ball caps…. Wouldn’t want to change that hillbilly, redneck look you got going on after all. It’s only 2014… you’ve got time.

 You joined all 4 branches of the military, because you need to give everyone the illusion you’re a big, tough man… You don’t want anyone to know you’re just a really insecure and whiny crybaby, that sounds like a little lispy girl when he talks.

 NEVER cry in front of a woman. Drunk dialing and crying? Really? Cut off your b*lls and return your man-card you PUSS.

 GAIN some weight. You look disgusting naked. That limp skin under your back, with the crack in it… is the saddest excuse for an a$$ I’ve ever seen. Ever.

 You live in a shithole town, in a shitty trailer that reeks of mold (it wafts off you the second you get out of your good-ole-boy truck).

 NEVER own another dog. I should call the ASPCA on you for locking that poor dog in a cage its entire life and NEVER giving it a bath THEN COMPLAINING IT SMELLS!!!!

 YOU are a fraud in every aspect. Immature and attention seeking. A racist and close minded. You’re a low IQ, knuckle dragging piece of $hit.

 A skinny, toothless, balding, assless, drunk… a bad example to your boys.

 YOU ARE A WANNABE…. Wannabe a man… wannabe respected… wannabe a stud. You’re just a stupid, ignorant, needy, abusive wife-beating asshole. A loser of epic proportions.

 Such a f*cking HYPOCRITE. Boo hoo all 3 wives cheated on you…. Boo hoo…. YOU are the cheater….Let me call a waaaambulance for you… oh boo hoo.

 By all means…. Keep on drinking….it will speed up the process of liver disease, thus speeding up your removal from this planet. Yay.

 ONE MORE THING: I realize that genetics weren’t generous when they gave you that baby carrot of yours… not your fault really… However, stop making promises you and your carrot can’t keep. You SUCK in bed. Worst f*ck ever…. Maybe that’s why your wives allegedly cheated? How can you blame them?

 So ya…. Come on back to town to visit. We like guys like you…. We really do. Honest to god, swear on maple syrup.